How Much I Feel - Marie Force Page 0,48
to respect what she’s been through and to understand that it’s a far bigger deal for her to be starting whatever this is between us than it will ever be for me.
She blinks and seems to realize quite a bit of time has gone by since we first sat in the sand. “We should go. It’s not the best idea to be out here after dark.”
I stand, brush the sand off my shorts and reach out a hand to help her up, releasing it only long enough for her to deal with the sand on her clothes.
We reach for each other at the same moment and then share a smile at how silly we are, two grown adults acting like teenagers in the throes of first romance. But that’s how it feels, to me at least. There’s an innocence about it, a throwback to a simpler time, maybe because I have to be so careful with her.
With any other woman, I might be suggesting we find the nearest horizontal surface after a make-out session of such epic proportions. But this woman is special. She’s had her heart broken and managed to put her life back together. Nothing more will happen between us until she says so.
We ride back to my hotel in companionable silence. I’m not ready for our day together to end, but I’m resolved to proceed with caution so I don’t scare her off by wanting her too much. It’s amazing to me that Ginger might never have happened for all I care about her since meeting Carmen, who has more substance and integrity in her little finger than Ginger has in her whole body.
With hindsight, I’m ashamed of the way I was taken in by Ginger, bowled over by how she looked and the way she seemed to want me so fiercely in bed. I wonder now if even that was part of her ploy, to pretend to be so wildly attracted to me that I’d lose my mind over her, which is exactly what happened. I was so deeply in her thrall that I didn’t even realize someone else was in the room watching us until it was far too late.
I shudder remembering the horror of that moment and all the ones that followed, as the story blew up into a scandal within hours of the husband I didn’t know she had discovering us naked in his bedroom. That he was also the chairman of the board of the hospital where I worked only made it that much more horrific, especially when I was called into the president’s office and asked to relocate.
“What’re you thinking about?”
Carmen’s question interrupts the disturbing path my thoughts have taken. “Nothing, really.”
“If it’s nothing, then why is your whole body tense?”
“I was thinking about things I’d be better off forgetting.”
“Ah, I see. Don’t you wish you could flip a switch and not think about that anymore?”
“More than anything.”
“You’re the brain surgeon. You should know where the switch is located.”
When I find myself laughing, I realize how quickly she defused my tension and got me thinking about other things, such as when I might get to kiss her again. “Maybe you’re the switch.”
“What do you mean?”
“You’re doing a very good job of making me forget something I thought I’d never stop thinking about.”
“Clearly, I’m not doing that good of a job if you were thinking about it just now.”
“You’re doing a very good job. I was only thinking about how if that hadn’t happened, I wouldn’t have met you. That would’ve been truly unfortunate.”
“I’m sorry you went through what you did, but I’m glad you landed in my city and that we had the chance to meet.”
I reach for her hand and hold on to her all the way back to my hotel, where I’m forced to let go. For now.
When we’re standing beside my car, I notice she seems reluctant to leave. “I’ll be by around eight, okay?”
“I’ll be here. Take some of these leftovers.”
She takes a few of the containers her parents packed up for us. They’d included one of those plastic ice packs to keep them cool.
“Don’t get coffee in the morning. I’ll take you to my ventanita for cortadito, which is Cuban espresso topped with steamed milk.”
“Okay . . .”
“Trust me. You’ll love it.”
I place my hands on her hips, bringing her closer to me. “I have no doubt. Today was fantastic. Thank you for sharing your family, your restaurant, your hometown, yourself with me.” I kiss her