How Much I Feel - Marie Force Page 0,26
grief and confusion that were my constant companions for so long after that dreadful first day. Not only was I heartbroken for myself and his family, but I was wrecked for him. At twenty-four, he walked into a convenience store, probably to buy gum or Gatorade, and had the rest of his life stolen from him in a random act of violence.
We found out later that the man who shot him had scuffled with police in the past. It was believed that the shooting had nothing to do with Tony and everything to do with the uniform he wore. After two years of court appearances and a trial that reopened the healing wound, the man was convicted of murdering a police officer and sentenced to life in prison with no chance of parole.
That was another surreal moment in this never-ending journey, and while we were thankful to see justice done, it was a fresh reminder that nothing would bring Tony back.
My phone rings, and I take the call from Jason. “Hi.”
“Hey. Everything okay?”
“Yes, why?”
“You sound weird.”
“I only said hi.”
“You sound weird.”
It astounds me that one word has tuned him in to the fact that I’m not okay. “I’m, uh . . .”
“Do you need me to come get you?”
“No, I don’t need you to come get me.”
“Why do you sound weird? Did something happen?”
“I’ll tell you when I see you.”
“Okay,” he says hesitantly. “I called to tell you I talked to the insurance company and bought the rider I needed to volunteer, so I’m good to go if the clinic approves our plan.”
“That’s great news. I pitched it to my cousin, who works there, and I’m waiting to hear back.”
“Since Mr. Augustino assigned you to me, you can help me look at a couple of condos while we wait to hear from your cousin, right?”
I’m not sure that spending any more time with him than absolutely necessary to do the job is a good idea, but my boss told me to work with him. “Sure, we can do that. Where should we meet?”
“Come by my hotel?” He gives me an address I recognize near the hospital. “We can park your car, and I’ll drive.”
I’m afraid to go anywhere near the car that landed me—twice—in jail, but I don’t tell him that. “I’ll be there in ten minutes.”
“Great, see you then. And Carmen?”
“Yes?”
“Thanks for all you’re doing to help me out.”
“Just working off my debt.”
He laughs. “I really appreciate it.”
“No problem.” The sound of his laughter gives me goose bumps. Everything about this man is a problem to me, but I have a job to do, and as long as I stay focused on that, I can keep this situation under control.
At least I hope so.
JASON
I wait for Carmen in the car outside the main door to my hotel. I’m excited to see her again, which is baffling. Three weeks ago, I had my heart crushed by a conniving, manipulative woman who shamelessly used me to advance her own agenda. I have absolutely no business being attracted to or looking forward to seeing any woman, let alone one I work with, but I don’t know this city at all and I want to make sure I end up somewhere that makes sense.
While my medical colleagues dated each other like crazy, I stayed away from those complications, even though it’s difficult to meet anyone who isn’t somehow related to work due to the hours we keep.
Hospitals are full of interpersonal drama—doctors and nurses getting busy with each other is almost a cliché, frowned upon but actively happening. Although I’ve never known of people having sex in the on-call rooms or storerooms like they do on TV. That’s not to say it doesn’t happen, but I haven’t been aware of it.
Since med school, dating and sex and all the nonsense that goes with them were an afterthought for me, mostly consisting of one-night hookups that never went beyond first names and basic attraction until I met Ginger. Weeks after the disaster, I can’t think of her without seething. I’ve gone beyond the heartbroken stage and am settling into the furious part of the program now.
I’ve had ample examples in my life of the many ways people can suck, but until she had her wicked way with me, I had no idea how painful it is to be screwed over by a woman. She fucked with my head, my heart and my body, taking full advantage of me while she had me in her