How Much I Feel - Marie Force Page 0,13
was never arraigned.”
His brows furrow with concern. “You know there was nothing dirty about what went down with Betty, right?”
“I heard what you did for her. It was very nice of you.”
“It was no big deal. I felt so bad for her when we ran into each other at baggage claim yesterday, and she was crying because her guy blew her off. Then her bag never came, and I couldn’t just leave her there by herself in a strange city.”
“Most people would’ve walked away and left her to fend for herself.”
“Well, I’m not most people.”
“I’m beginning to realize that.”
The waiter arrives with salads for both of us.
“Talk to me about what you want to see happen with this so-called campaign of yours.”
“I’m looking for community service opportunities, things I can do to stay busy and make a difference at the same time.”
“With publicity or without?”
“Preferably without, but I do need a way for the board to find out I’m doing it.”
“We could make that happen.”
“We could, could we?”
I’m unnerved by his amusement as well as the intrigued way in which he looks at me. Since I lost Tony, I’ve been on more first dates than I can count but have mostly avoided confronting the reality that the love of my life is gone and never coming back. Everyone who is anyone has told me that someday I’ll find love again, and while I’m not opposed to that, I certainly haven’t been looking for it.
Today and tonight with Jason . . . It’s the first time I’ve felt anything for another man since Tony died. The feelings he arouses in me are unexpected and mostly unwelcome. I don’t want to react to him the way I do. I want to help him with his problem and be on my way, with my debt to him paid.
But with every minute I spend in his magnetic presence, it becomes clear that nothing about my association with this man will be simple.
“Carmen? Are you okay?” He seems genuinely concerned as he watches me across the table.
“I’m fine, and to answer your question, I’m sure we can find a way to make sure the right people hear about your outreach efforts without making it into a media circus.”
“That’s good,” he says, sounding relieved. “The last thing I’m looking for is any more media attention.”
“You promised you’d tell me the whole story of what happened in New York.”
“I know.” He puts down his fork, wipes his mouth and sips his margarita, taking a full minute to gather himself before he speaks. “You should know one thing before you hear anything else.”
“What’s that?”
“I thought I loved her, and I assumed she loved me, too. I thought I’d finally found ‘the one.’” His entire demeanor changes. “I’m sure you think you’ve got me pegged. Reasonably handsome dude, a doctor, must be a player, must have a different woman in his bed every night, and so on.”
“Those thoughts never crossed my mind.”
He smiles, but it’s a sad version of the earlier smiles that lit up his entire face. “Sure they didn’t. The truth is, I work like a fiend. Or I used to work like a fiend, back when I had a job and a research team and surgeries scheduled back to back. I’d work sixteen or eighteen hours straight without blinking an eye. I had no time to be a player, and besides, I’m just not wired that way.”
“How’re you wired?”
“I always imagined that once my training was finished, I’d find someone I liked well enough to spend forever with and get married and have some kids. I never had the desire or time to chase a different woman every night. That’s not to say that some of my doctor friends don’t do that, because they do. But it wasn’t my thing.”
He takes another sip of his drink and props his elbows on the table. “I met Ginger at a fundraiser for childhood cancer. A doctor I went to medical school with had invited me. He’s a pediatric oncologist now and was one of the sponsors. Since my research focuses on malignant pediatric brain tumors, he thought I might be interested in the event. I was by myself at the bar when she approached me. We started talking. She was funny and beautiful, and it’d been a long time since I’d taken even five minutes for myself. When she asked if I wanted to get a nightcap after the event, I was all in.”
The retelling of this story