I instantly miss the cooler weather I left behind in Charlotte.
That’s not the only thing I miss.
The waiting room is almost empty when I walk in. The receptionist recognizes me and gestures to the side door. She gives me a sweet smile that I can barely return as I follow her down the hallway. When we get to the exam room, she knocks then opens, waving me in.
Sasha lays on the table in a position I’m now used to seeing. Her mom is seated next to the bed, excitement rolling off her.
“You made it. I was sure you’d come in earlier today.” Sasha doesn’t hide her frustration.
“Told you I had to reschedule some meetings,” I answer blandly, not taking her bait.
“I had meetings, too, Ren. You’re not the only one with a job. This is important.”
“I’m here, aren’t I?”
“Yes, you are,” Ann says icily, pinning me with a disapproving glare. “You made it barely in time.”
The sonographer walks in behind me, greeting everyone cheerily. If she feels the chill in the air, she does a good job of ignoring it as she explains the process, while prepping Sasha’s stomach. We’ve done this before, so nothing is new, but I hang on her words, so I can avoid looking at Sasha and Ann.
“Just to confirm, how many weeks are you?” she asks Sasha.
“Around twenty-three. We’ve been trying to determine the sex for the last six weeks.”
“Have there been any changes?”
Sasha goes on to explain what she told me on the phone about the baby moving the entire night and the feeling that she was carrying differently.
She starts with taking measurements, repeating what’s she seeing, explaining it all looks good.
My eyes are glued to the screen, watching her point out the visible body parts that are squirming.
Sasha and her mom actively participate in a conversation about everything on the screen.
When the sonographer moves the wand and presses on Sasha’s stomach, the baby turns.
My throat closes, and my heart drops to the floor.
Even without medical knowledge, I can tell.
It’s a boy. I’m having a son.
I should have listened closer to my mom and Bizzy. I should have believed them harder, trusted them more.
Because, they were right.
In this instant, everything changes.
Chapter 27
Bizzy
It’s happened. I should have been prepared, protected my heart a little more. It was only a matter of time.
My emotions are all over the place, blaming Sasha for being manipulative and calculating, blaming Shaw for tying my heart to his and leaving me to wonder.
But the truth is the blame is mine. I should have ran the second I discovered Sasha was having Shaw’s baby. Love be damned. I KNEW nothing good would come out of this. How could I ever compete with a baby?
You can’t! You stupid fool! You never stood a chance.
I curl onto my side and wrap my comforter around me, making sure my phone is within reach in case he calls… which I know he won’t. Today, he’s with Sasha and her family, showing them his condo then shopping for baby furniture for her nursery.
The day he walked away to get on that plane replays in my mind for the millionth time. I should have held tighter, begged him to stay. Done anything to keep him with me. Because he would have. Four weeks ago, he would have done anything for me, but I pushed him to go, encouraging him to get excited. I believed he’d come back to me.
He didn’t.
He missed my birthday.
He missed Thanksgiving.
He missed my department Christmas party.
I stare at the television, not paying attention to the game, but grateful for the noise. The announcer mentions the name Darren Jackson a few times, which hooks my interest and I do my best to catch up.
My bedroom door creaks open, and I think about closing my eyes to pretend I’m asleep but Claire won’t believe it. She’s worried about me. So is my family. Everyone is waiting for me to crack open, but I can’t.
My heart is shattered, but my tear ducts have finally dried up. After months of crying at the drop of a pin, I’ve used up all the tears.
After a full minute of nothing, I finally acknowledge her. “You don’t have to stand in the doorway. You can crawl in and watch football with me.”
“Seven weeks away… seven weeks is all it took for you to turn on me? How could you?” Nicky’s voice booms through the room, and I scream, bolting up, and almost falling off my bed.