including PRN work on the oncology floor a year ago. Her smile is genuine as he wheels me to a large recliner.
“What have you done?” I ask as he helps me up and sits down, positioning me in my normal spot between his legs.
“What I wanted,” is his only answer as he motions to the nurse.
I watch in awe as she lifts the baby boy out of his little dome and walks over to us.
Shaw moves his arm under my uninjured elbow, and she places the baby in our arms. My heart lurches in my throat, and I’m overcome with emotions. Tears spring to my eyes at the first glance. He’s so beautiful.
“Wow,” is all I can force out.
“He hit thirty-four weeks today and now weighs a little over five pounds,” Shaw explains over my shoulder. “As a preemie, he’s surprised us all. Besides a little jaundice, he’s progressing excellently.”
“I’m so happy for that.”
I run my fingertips along the baby’s forehead and inhale, loving the newborn smell. His eyes flutter and open, revealing a hazy deep blue. He’s swaddled tight, and I want to rip it open and inspect every inch of him, ensuring he’s as perfect as he looks after such a dramatic birth.
All anxiety from earlier is gone as I stare at this perfect child.
“He’s really beautiful.”
“I need you to help me name him.”
Shock registers at the statement, and I bend my elbow to nuzzle the baby closer. “I can’t. That’s for you and Sasha to do.”
“Well, seeing as I’m still not sane enough to speak to her, I’d like to discuss it with you and then tell her.”
“She’s not going to like that.”
“Considering I’ve been trying to figure out a way to charge her with attempted manslaughter, she’ll agree to almost anything.”
“Okay, what do you like? Let’s start there.”
“Something strong, like him.”
“You sure you don’t want to use your dad’s name?”
“Yes, I’m sure.”
I stare at the now sleeping baby and run options through my mind. “What about Brayden? Brayden Bennett has a very nice ring to it.”
As if scripted, the baby squirms a bit, letting out a hushed coo then settles.
“I love it.” He kisses the side of my neck.
We sit together for a while, watching Brayden sleep and quietly discussing his progress. The nurse brings us a small bottle, and he wakes up to eat, sucking the formula down like a pro. Shaw has to adjust us , to help me, when it’s time to burp him, but it feels so natural and so right. Together, we love on him, the three of us snuggled tight.
I almost refuse when the nurse comes back and tells us they need to take him for a while to check his vitals and get him back under the light. It’s on the tip of my tongue to argue that human warmth is best, but I keep my mouth shut.
Shaw senses my unease and asks for a few more minutes. It’s not really a request but more of a demand.
“When can we come back?”
“Tonight. I’ve got it worked out with Sasha for separate visitations.”
“But I’m going home tonight!”
“No, you aren’t. You’re not even going to think about discharge for another day.”
I start to protest, but he silences me with a finger to my lips. “No arguments.”
He starts to wiggle under me and brings his other hand up, taking my left hand and sliding my ring back on my finger.
“It’s time you get this back.”
This time when the nurse comes in, Shaw helps me hand over Brayden then lifts me back to my wheelchair. The ride back to my room is completely opposite of the first trip. I raise my head and smile at the people we pass, giving small waves. There is no bundle of nerves or anxiety. I’m bursting with love.
I know what I have to do, because in the last hour, my family grew. And I have to clear the air in order for any of us to move on.
I apply some lip gloss and fluff my hair, dressed in another one of Shaw’s extravagant pajama sets. I look in the small bathroom mirror and give myself a little pep talk.
“He’s going to kill you, then he’s going to kill me,” Claire whines as I sit in the wheelchair.
“He’ll get over it,” I try to assure her.
“Why are we doing this again?”
“I’ve explained this already! We have to hurry. He’ll be back in an hour, and I want this shit over with.”