God, I’m an idiot. How’d I ever think keeping my feelings inside was the right decision?
“Baby, keep spouting that shit. I should punish you for not doing it weeks ago. Every word out of your mouth should have been shared. I was a prick. I know that now. Hell, I knew it while it was happening, but that’s over. I’ll explain everything to you, anything you want to know. Each and every moment I was in her presence was brutal, agonizing, and grating. There was not one second my skin didn’t crawl, so I did something I’ve never done. I closed off my brain, trained myself to be numb, to go through the motions. I didn’t know how to turn it off and on, and I had to try and make her happy. My only defense is I was doing what I thought was best for my son.”
“That’s not enough for me! I am supposed to be your confidant, your rock. Give you support when you need it! Instead, you made me feel insignificant and unimportant! I’ve spent weeks mourning the loss of you, wondering if there is a way to overcome this pain.”
Fuck, that hurts.
“Stop fighting me and listen.” I lower my voice, trying to calm her down.
She slows her movements but glares at me, her eyes now scorching with betrayal.
“There’s no excuse that will ever be good enough, but the truth is, I buckled under pressure. For all those months, I tried to handle what was happening with precision and logic, never allowing emotions to get involved. But the moment I saw him, it became real, and I collapsed. Everything in my world was turned upside down. I knew it was happening but couldn’t control it. Emotionally, I was actually mourning the feelings inside, feeling the joy and heartache. The contrast became too much, and I couldn’t handle it. Every ounce of love I felt for my unborn son felt disloyal to you and the life we were building. How could I ask you to love him when his mother is a source of some of your worst memories? Coming to terms with Sasha was something I had to do, and I wasn’t sure how to ask you to do the same. Something had to give, and I wasn’t sure what that was, until the fog cleared, and I was faced with losing you.
“That wasn’t and never will be an option.”
“Why didn’t you tell me? Why didn’t you explain this?” The defiance bleeds into sympathy, her anger thawing. “I could have helped you.”
“Because the guilt was too heavy. I couldn’t find the words.”
“So you let me suffer?”
“I’ve already said it, but I’ve failed you too many times to count. I had a plan. It was a shitty plan, but I was going to tell you everything when you came back to Miami. I never dreamed you’d be given a job offer and even consider staying. I was biding my time. Suffering was not my intention. I thought it would be easier for you to think I was an asshole than to know the truth.”
“The truth! The truth that you fell in love with your son so hard that you’d do anything to keep his mother happy? That you put his needs before yours, and in the process, lost your identity? Talk about punishment! I should be the one punishing you! What a fucking ridiculous train of thought!”
She struggles again to get her arms free, but I take advantage of her position, leaning in and running my lips along the column of her throat.
“I’ll take your punishment, anytime, but first, you’ll have to get free.”
She squirms, each twist of her torso moving her hips against my dick. I grow harder and rock into her.
“You’re not fighting fair.” She goes limp under me, pouting. “I can’t overpower you.”
I continue to skim my lips up until I reach her mouth, nibbling on her bottom lip. “You may not be able to physically overpower me, but otherwise, you own me,” I whisper against the soft skin and feel her breath hitch.
“Please let me go. I won’t try to get away.”
“I’ll let you go, but before I do, tell me you forgive me. Looking back, confessing these feelings out loud should have been easy. You have the kindest and most understanding heart of anyone in the world. My excuses are pitiful, I know that now. My confidence faltered, leaving me in a position I’ve never faced before.