I decided to work on Christmas, but in my dither of acting like a school girl who lost her boyfriend, I’d neglected to do anything.
So I was able to do my own shopping, and he was taking the presents with him.
When I worked last night, he came by the hospital to meet my coworkers and hang out with the kids. It was like old times. A lot of my coworkers had met Shaw the week he was here and knew I was in a serious relationship. When Nicky showed up, it raised a lot of eyebrows, which Claire thought was hilarious. But eventually, everyone came to believe we were truly friends.
Today, he dragged Claire and me out in the snow, going to the closest park so he could act like a fool. Afterwards, we went shopping for a tree. He became really upset when he found out Claire was flying to be with her parents on Christmas Eve, and I would be truly alone.
He became a man on a mission. After we picked out a tree, he gave Claire his credit card and sent us to buy every single decoration we could find. I tried to argue, but it was useless.
It was one of the best afternoons I’ve had in a long time. Claire and I drank wine while instructing Nicky how to string the lights. When he was done, he popped open a beer and sat down, turning on the television and ignoring us.
It was awesome. It was like old times, and I craved to keep this feeling of happiness.
Shaw has called a few times, and as usual, the conversations were rushed because he was distracted. I didn’t push because, after Nicky’s comments, I opened my ears and started listening. What I heard was Shaw’s anxiety and confusion. He’s having a hard time dealing with his newfound feelings, and I decided not to be a burden. Instead, I told him repeatedly I loved him, and I was here if wanted to talk. He told me he loved me too, more than anything. His words sank into my soul and I wish I could hear them on replay over and over.
The only thing I have learned is Nicky was right; all the time I assumed he was spending with Sasha isn’t correct. Shaw explained he’s only doing what is absolutely necessary to keep the peace. Otherwise, he’s keeping his distance.
Nicky’s phone rings, bringing me out of my daydream, and he gets up and walks to the balcony, sliding the door closed behind him.
“What do you think that’s about?” Claire mutes the television.
“Could be a number of things. My first thought is that it’s his coach making sure he’s coming home tomorrow. I’m still not sure how the hell he got away for three days. My next thought is that it’s Maria, checking on me but too scared to call. Lastly, it could be his agent, which means my estranged boyfriend. Guess in the air what that could be.”
“Shhh, let’s listen.” She slides to the end of the sofa, closest to the patio, and strains her head to the side.
“We shouldn’t! Eavesdropping is rude,” I mutter, but also scoot closer.
We don’t have to try too hard, because Nicky’s voice escalates, and I’m pretty sure anyone brave enough to be on their balconies in this weather can hear him.
“I don’t give a shit! It’s fucking time. You have no idea the mess I walked into.”
Silence.
“Define okay? If you’re asking is she still alive, breathing, and functioning, then yes. But the functioning part is questionable. I’m not sure she’d eaten a decent meal in weeks until I got here.”
Silence.
“You don’t get to do that, Shaw. I’m not going to even attempt to explain to her what’s going on. That’s your job. I’m not sure why you’ve kept it all from her in the first place. It’s crossed my mind to kick your ass again.”
Silence.
He runs his hand down his face then drops his head, squeezing the back of his neck. I watch his chest heave a few times, and my own chest tightens. What exactly is Shaw keeping from me? My mind races with possibilities. It’s obvious there’s been an enormous strain between us, but what is he keeping from me? Claire twists her arm in mine, squeezing my wrist supportively.
“Hell fucking NO! I don’t care what she says.”
Silence.
“You’ve got to be kidding me! You can’t handle this shit on your own? You have to bring me into it?”