I’m punching other men and giving them nose bleeds. I’m yelling at Calvin. Who has she turned me into? I don’t even recognize myself anymore.
“You need to speak to her. Have a serious, grown-up conversation with her. Maybe there has been a misunderstanding that you can easily clear up.”
“Blaire and I are not meant to be together. She is not going to want to be with me once she finds out the whole truth.”
Calvin leans back in his chair, looking up at the ceiling.
“I still think she has the right to know everything.”
I’m shaking my head.
“I need to move.”
“What are you talking about, man?” Calvin jerks forward.
“I’m going to move with Anya. Move into that bigger house in the suburbs I’ve been thinking about.”
“You always said you wanted her to grow up in the city. Not shelter her in a big palace.”
“Well, maybe I’ve changed my fuckin’ mind,” I growl.
“And what about the office? She still works here, you know? You still have the chance of bumping into her on a daily basis.”
“Then I’ll move my office too.”
“This is getting ridiculous.”
“I am the CEO of this company, for fucks sake! I can do whatever I want. I’ll get myself a new office, buy a different building if I have to.”
“You’ll do all this, but you won’t just talk to her?” Calvin asks. His voice is low, and he sounds disappointed.
“She doesn’t want me. She won’t want me after she knows the truth,” I reply, and Calvin stands up from his chair. Looks like he’s had enough with me.
“You should have played this game a whole lot differently, my man,” he says.
I didn’t actually go down to Blaire’s office during the day, even though I was tempted to on several occasions. So I have no idea if she actually showed up to work or not. Chances are she did. She is probably not having as hard a time with this as I am. What has she got to lose?
But this has affected my whole life. My daughter’s life. I fell in love with a woman I didn’t even like. I didn’t have space for her in my life, and I should have kept it that way.
Michelle has taken Anya out for dinner, and now that she is in the city, Anya is a little distracted and feeling a whole lot better. Rachel has left work early, and I am alone in the apartment.
I have already spent some time today looking for houses to buy and new office buildings to move into. I can’t believe I’m going to have to change my whole life around for this woman.
In a sudden fit of urgency, I stomp out of my apartment and go to knock on her door. There is so much I want to tell her. Calvin’s words have affected me too. He seems to think she deserves an explanation, she deserves to know the truth. Maybe she does.
Maybe she doesn’t even think about me and won’t even care.
I’m standing at her door, and when it opens, I don’t see Blaire. I see a different woman I’ve never seen before. Or maybe I have. She looks vaguely familiar.
“Hi,” she says in a soft voice. I notice that she is visibly pregnant.
“Where’s Blaire?” I growl, trying to keep all my emotions in check.
“She’s in the shower, and I think you should leave before she’s done.”
“You can’t tell me what to do. I don’t even know who you are.”
“I’m her best friend, and you need to understand that she is done with you.”
I clench my jaw tightly. Are all of Blaire’s friends as fiery as her?
I let myself relax a little, take in a few breaths.
“I know I don’t deserve to see her…”
“No, you don’t!” the woman snaps. “You should go. Leave her alone. Let her move on with her life.”
I’m about to say more, but I shut up. She’s right. I should leave her alone. Blaire deserves better than this, better than me. Why should I tangle her up in all the complications and responsibilities of my life?
“Can you just tell her I fell in love with her? Even though I know I shouldn’t have,” I’m speaking in a softer voice now. The woman’s eyes soften too.
“I don’t think I can tell her that. She doesn’t need to hear it.”
I nod. She’s probably right about this too.
She shuts the door in my face, and I remain standing there for a few moments with my hands in my pockets. Then I turn around and go