As much as I try to keep my head up and face him like a warrior, all of a sudden, I feel defeated. I wasn’t expecting this. I didn’t think Trevor would tell me exactly what he’s thinking.
My lips part. I’m searching for the right words to say. I don’t know what happened to his wife…Anya’s mother…
“I…” I’m stuttering, and Trevor drains the bourbon down his throat.
“Don’t worry, Blaire. You don’t have to come up with an apology. I don’t expect it from you. You can leave now. You’ve had a long day.”
I don’t usually like being told what to do, but tonight, I’m glad he told me to go home because I’m not sure if I would have been able to tear myself away otherwise.
I rushed out of Trevor’s apartment and returned to mine, feeling disoriented and out of breath.
Right now, I’m stripping out of my clothes and running to the shower. I can’t wait to feel the peace and soothing sensation of the hot water on my skin. I want to scrub him off me. The effect he has on me. And he didn’t even touch me.
There are so many different emotions I feel right now. I’m embarrassed, excited, turned on, sorry. I lather up the shampoo in my hair and wash and wash. I’m not sure how long I’ve been standing in the shower thinking about him. It isn’t until I notice the way my fingertips have started to wrinkle that I finally step out.
In my bedroom, I’m standing staring at the wall, imagining his room on the other side. Is he in his bedroom now? Stripping down?
I have to turn away. Ashamed at myself.
What is happening to me?
How am I letting myself behave this way? After Stephen, I promised myself I wouldn’t be this weak for a man. Especially not a man who is rude to me!
Maybe if he wasn’t so hot. Maybe if he didn’t have those smoldering green eyes…
I throw myself on my bed and stare at the ceiling. What happened to his wife? Anya’s mother. How is Anya coping? How are they coping?
Did he lose the love of his life? Is that the reason why he’s so grumpy? Does he still think about her and wish she was here?
He talked about worrying how Anya needs her mother; does he need his wife?
My heart aches at the thought of the pain Anya has had to go through. She’s so young still. Will she even remember her mother? Is that why she’s drawn to me?
I feel a sudden sense of responsibility. Fear and nerves. Maybe Trevor is right. Maybe I should take a step back. Not encourage Anya when I know I can’t give her what she’s looking for. I’m not her real mother. Her father doesn’t even like me.
He is trying to protect her.
Maybe I should move? But I just bought this apartment. Can I even afford to move right now?
What if I purposely avoid Anya? Would she eventually forget about me? Maybe I should talk to the nanny, Rachel, and figure out what Anya is like with her. Maybe I’m nothing special.
Whatever it is, it’s keeping me awake at night.
It’s already too late to go to the club with my friends, so instead, I decide to read my book in bed and curl up to sleep. Just a wall lies between us, and Trevor is lying in his bedroom, reading a book too. And the thought brings a smile to my face.
5
Trevor
A few days go by before Calvin finds me in my office again. I’m just putting on my jacket and on my way out to a meeting when he intercepts me. Erica follows him closely in, trying to inform him that I’m heading out.
“It’s okay, Erica. I have a couple of minutes to talk to Mr. Surrey,” I say and wait until she’s left the room. Calvin whips around to me with his eyebrows raised in surprise.
“Protective much?” he comments with a grin.
“She takes her job very seriously,” I say, and he’s nodding.
“Yeah, very seriously by the looks of it. I wouldn’t be surprised if she keeps a loaded gun under her desk to defend your life with.”
“She’s trying to do her job,” I say and Calvin shrugs. He’s watching me smooth the lapels of my jacket.
“Or she has a massive crush on you and tries her best to make sure you notice her.”
“Don’t be an asshole,” I growl.
“That’s the last thing I would willingly want to be.