“You’re up,” she says, standing. “Good. Do you want to shoot things? I’ve got arrows.”
“Maybe later.” I keep my cloak clutched tightly around me and try to move past her, keeping a blandly happy expression on my face.
It doesn’t work. Her arm shoots out to block me. “Taryn told me what you said to the prince at the tournament,” she says. “And Oriana told me how you came home last night. I can guess the rest.”
“I don’t need another lecture,” I say to her. This mission from Dain is the only thing keeping me from being haunted by what happened the day before. I don’t want to lose focus. I am afraid that if I do, I will lose my composure, too.
“Taryn feels awful,” Vivi says.
“Yeah,” I say. “Sometimes it sucks to be right.”
“Stop it.” She grabs for my arm, looking at me with her split-pupiled eyes. “You can talk to me. You can trust me. What’s going on?”
“Nothing,” I say. “I made a mistake. I got angry. I wanted to prove something. It was stupid.”
“Was it because of what I said?” Her fingers are gripping my arm hard.
The Folk are going to keep treating you like crap.
“Vivi, there’s no way my deciding to mess up my life is your fault,” I tell her. “But I will make them regret crossing me.”
“Wait, what do you mean?” Vivi asks.
“I don’t know,” I say, pulling free. I head toward the door, and this time she doesn’t stop me. Once I’m out, I rush across the lawn to the stables.
I know I am not being fair to Vivi, who hasn’t done anything. She just wanted to help.
Maybe I don’t know how to be a good sister anymore.
At the stables, I have to stop and lean against a wall while I take deep breaths. For more than half my life, I’ve been fighting down panic. Maybe it’s not the best thing for a constant rattle of nerves to seem normal, even necessary. But at this point, I wouldn’t know how to live without it.
The most important thing is to impress Prince Dain. I can’t let Cardan and his friends take that from me.
To get to Hollow Hall, I decide to take one of the toads, since only the Gentry ride silver-shod horses. Although a servant would probably not have a mount of any kind, at least the toad is less conspicuous.
Only in Faerieland is a giant toad the less conspicuous choice.
I saddle and bridle a spotted one and lead her out onto the grass. Her long tongue lashes one of her golden eyes, making me take an involuntary step back.