much sarcasm and venom as I possessed, “Nice to meet you too… Dad.”
I saw him freeze dead in his tracks. Saw him turn back and look at me, understanding finally in his face. I met his eyes for a split second before turning and walking past the stairs and out the front door, without looking back.
8
I ran out of Lorcan and down the steps, barely seeing where I was going. Rounding the corner, I huffed off into the wooded park area alongside the building, muttering and cursing under my breath.
How could I have been so stupid?! Why the hell did I let myself think… Ugh!
Suppressing the urge to jump up and down screaming, I pushed on faster through the trees, not caring that I had no idea where I was going. However, with the dry fall branches ripping at my arms and face, and the hard, rocky ground grinding at my feet, it didn’t take long for my fuming stampede to dwindle to a frustrated stagger. Pushing my way through a particularly thick line of brush, I came out to find a sloping hill leading down to a small lake. I jogged down the hill to the water’s edge, loving the rush of the effortless speed provided by nothing more than gravity. Stopping at the bottom, I bent over and rested my hands on my knees to catch my breath. After a few minutes I’d succeeded in getting my lungs to stop burning, but I’d had no luck in bringing my blood pressure down. I ran my hands through my hair – dislodging some twigs and leaves in the process – and began pacing up and down the bank of the lake, biting my tongue in a last ditch effort not to cry.
I hadn’t cried over my father in almost a decade, and I damned well wasn’t about to start again now.
“Becca?”
I whirled around with a gasp to find Alex standing a few feet away.
“Sorry,” he said quickly, as I let out a shaky breath, “I didn’t mean to scare you, I saw you come out…” He hesitated a moment looking pensive.
You…” I breathed, still panting a bit. “You followed me?” I wasn’t sure whether to be flattered or annoyed.
“No, it was just that you looked upset, and I…” He stammered, his ears turning red.
“Wait, how did you get through…?” I looked him up and down then turned to look back up the hill at the line of brush I’d fought through, wondering how he still looked so put together while I looked like a survivalist.
“There’s a path,” he said, pointing up behind him.
“Of course there is,” I mumbled. That would figure.
“Are you all right?” he asked tentatively, as though he was afraid I might spring up and bite him.
Well let’s see, my brother wants nothing to do with me, and my father wouldn’t know me from a stranger in the street. “Yes,” I lied, “I’m fine.”
“Are you sure?”
“Yeah, I…” I looked up into his eyes and saw such honest concern, that it somehow made my mouth begin to work independently from my brain. “I just never thought…” I began pacing again as I rambled, digging my hands angrily through my mess of hair. “I’m over it! I’ve been over it! I’ve known for years how it was! And yet I still let myself get caught up… I was an idiot! If I had stuck to my guns like I always said I would, none of this would have happened! Mo ghile beag, you know that’s what he used to call me? My Little Darling! And now he doesn’t even…” I died off then tried again: “I mean I don’t care, I just didn’t expect…” I gave up with a sigh, blinking and biting my tongue again.
“What didn’t you expect?” he asked softly.
I stopped pacing and stood with my arms crossed in front of me facing the lake. “For him not to recognize me.” I said, resenting the crack in my voice.
“Jocelyn?” he asked, walking up behind me. “You saw him?”
I nodded. “I saw him, and he saw some random girl who had lost her tour group.”
I saw him wince out of the corner of my eye. “I’m sorry,” he said gently.
I waited for the defense. The, “well, you knew he wasn’t expecting to see you”, or “it has been ten years”, or even, “oh, I’m sure he did”, but nothing came. I turned to try and read him, but saw only sad concern in his eyes.