in his voice. “I was on business in London when…” He hesitated, his jaw tight. “On second thought, there isn’t time today for me to tell you how I met your mother, but I can tell you that after that moment – the moment she shook my hand – my life ceased to be my own.” After a long pause, during which I focused my eyes on the leg of his desk, he continued. “I resigned my position as headmaster of St Brigid’s, and told the Order – which was only just beginning at the time that I was leaving. I was ready to be done with it all and have a real life. Ready to be happy.” He leaned back against the frame of the window, arms crossed, with a far off look in his eyes. “Judith and I left for the States, and were married. Moved into the house in Maine. Had you.” He glanced over to me, then away again. “They were the happiest years of my life,” he added softly. “We hadn’t planned on having Ryland. He was what you might call a happy accident. And on that subject,” he looked up at me, “you have been wonderful to him. Taking care and looking after him the way you have. He was very lucky to have had you growing up, as I’m sure he knows.”
“You told me to,” I whispered without looking up. The words were out before I could stop them. When he didn’t respond, I glanced up to find him looking at me with something between surprise and pain.
“I didn’t think you would remember that,” he breathed.
But I did remember. I remembered it like it was yesterday, though I’d not let myself think about it in almost a decade. As the memory of that final meeting reared in my mind, I stamped it back down, in no condition to go there, nor did I want him bringing it up. My emotional state was on shaky enough ground as it was, and honestly, he didn’t seem to be faring much better.
Luckily, he cleared his throat and moved on. “A week after Ryland was born I received a letter in the mail. It had in it the prophecy regarding both me and my son, and a note that said Darragh was on his way to take us all. I panicked. I’d seen firsthand the sort of things Darragh did to those he captured. I knew Ryland would be used only to power the Iris, and you and your mother would be either droned or killed. There was no time to call for help, no time to do anything but run. But I didn’t want that for you. I wanted you to live your lives, not to have to spend them constantly in fear. There was only one thing I could think of to do – hide you all away where no one could find you. Not even me.
That evening I did something I swore I would never do. I compelled your mother. I made her believe we’d planned to move. Put false memories in her mind about house-hunting and job-searching. Then I told her that I would have to stay behind to finish my semester at the university, but that…” He tapered off, then tried again. “But that I would follow.” After another pause, he added quietly, “I want you to know that you were right the other day. What I did was selfish. I’ve always known that.”
I looked up at him, only to see so much guilt etched on his face that I had to look back down.
“At the time I’d considered the alternative scenarios I could have left her with. I’d even considered making her believe I’d died. But, I couldn’t. I… wanted her to remember me. I pretended the reason was Ryland. I knew one day I would have to bring Ryland here and that it would be easier to get Judith to agree if she knew who I was. But I’ve also always known that to only be an excuse. What I did, I did for me. I wanted to keep the hope that one day, when all this is over, that I could…”
He dwindled off again, and I wasn’t sure how much more of this I could take. Just as I was going to excuse myself, offering to finish this another time, he continued. “The only person I entrusted any of this to was Taron, who I’d believed had long split