They sank back against the mattress as one, and for a moment he simply lay over her and concentrated on breathing. Then he remembered that he was really fucking heavy.
Evan rolled onto his back and dragged Ruth with him. She only came part way, slinging her leg over his body with a drowsy sigh. He stared hazily up at the ceiling as her fingers slid over his chest, toying with the hairs there.
Then, after a moment, he said, “I love you.”
There was a pause. A pause in which he thought, Why the fuck did I just say that? And then realised that it was because he simply couldn’t… not.
“Well,” she said, before the silence stretched too far. “I had no idea I was that good in bed.”
He laughed. “Maybe you’re not. Maybe I just love you anyway.”
She propped herself up on one elbow and looked down at him. “We haven’t talked yet.” But there was no wariness in her eyes, or awful blankness. She just looked thoughtful.
“No,” he said. “We haven’t.”
“Maybe… maybe we should talk now.”
“If we’re talking, I should probably deal with the condom.”
“Oh,” she said. “Yes. Probably.”
He kissed her, light and fast, before disentangling their legs and getting up. As he headed to the bathroom, Evan looked over his shoulder.
There was Ruth Kabbah, lying naked in his bed, staring up at the ceiling.
Smiling to herself.
28
“I didn’t smash up Daniel’s car,” Ruth said.
Evan was back where he belonged—which was, she now realised, under her. On top of her would also do—or behind her, for that matter—but right now he was under her. She laid her head on his chest and felt the steady beat of his heart. It matched the stroke of his hand over her back.
How she loved being naked with him.
I love you.
“So that’s just another rumour,” he said.
“I don’t know. It’s not one I’ve ever heard before,” she replied. Hedging. Hesitating. Not because she didn’t trust him or because she was scared, but because this part of the story was the worst. The absolute worst. She licked her lips and said, “Who told you? What did they say?”
“I was with Daniel, at the newsagents, and Mrs. Needham was showing me a car. She said it looked like one Daniel had. She said…” He paused as if remembering exactly. “She said, That Kabbah girl smashed it to pieces. And then Zach said something too, just a throwaway comment about how he didn’t judge because his brother has a record. So I just…”
Ruth nodded, his chest hair tickling her cheek. Then she said, “Hannah did it.”
She felt the surge of shock through him. Felt him lift his head to look down at her. “Seriously? Hannah?”
“Yes.”
“Why?”
Ruth sighed. “Because I told her some things. Things that upset her. I was upset. So she calmed me down and put me to bed, and then she apparently went to Daniel’s house and smashed the shit out of his car.”
Evan released a long, quiet exhale. “Fuck. So Hannah…”
“Hannah was arrested.” Ruth could hear her own voice, flat and hollow. “She was charged and convicted with criminal damage and possession of an offensive weapon—”
“An offensive weapon?”
“She used a cricket bat,” Ruth said dully. “It was her boyfriend’s. She got a suspended sentence, community service, and a fine. She ruined her life because of me.”
“Wait—what?” Evan’s body shifted beneath her as he raised himself up on his elbows.
She could feel him staring at her, but she couldn’t look. It was ridiculous, pathetic, but tears were pricking at the corners of her eyes.
“First of all,” he said, “she doesn’t seem like her life was ruined.”
“Well, it was,” Ruth snapped. “She’s a nursery nurse. I mean, she was a nursery nurse. That’s all she ever wanted to do—she got a fucking foundation degree and everything—and now she’s a waitress. She can’t work with kids. We used to volunteer at the library together, we did it for years, and now she can’t even do that.”
Ruth remembered the letter that had come from the council, informing Hannah of her unsuitability for the position she’d been filling since they were bloody teenagers. And Hannah had tried to pretend she wasn’t upset, but she’d been devastated.
So Ruth had quit, too. What else could she do?
Evan sighed. It was a sad, short sigh that seemed entirely appropriate to Ruth—but then he ruined it by talking unnecessarily. “Okay. I get that. But, love, I don’t think you should blame yourself. I’m not saying I don’t understand,” he added hurriedly