Nate’s expression softened, a worried crease appearing between his brows. “Zach. Do you need help?”
Fuck. That wasn’t a question Zach could brush off, because he and Nate had promised each other—with good reason—to always answer it honestly, so he forced himself to breathe. To sort through his emotions. He found a tempest inside himself, all rage and pain and soul-deep disappointment, but that was it. He was heartbroken, but he wasn’t depressed, so he wasn’t in any particular danger.
“No,” he said. “I don’t need help.”
Nate didn’t ask if he meant it. Just nodded. “Alright. You fucked up with Rae, huh?”
You fucked up with Rae. Zach gritted his teeth and willed himself not to blow. Or at least, to keep a lid on the explosion, same way he always did. But maybe keeping a lid on it had left him with charred insides. Maybe someone else should feel the fucking heat for a change.
Before he could think better of it, he said sharply, “Because this has to be my fault, right?”
Nate blinked, clearly brought up short. Evan leapt into the silence, always the peacekeeper, shooting Nate a warning glare. “No. Of course not. Why don’t you tell us what happened?”
But the calming voice didn’t work. There was a tide of anger rising in Zach, bitter and harsh and eternally unspoken. He’d held it back for so long, just in case too much temper drove people away. In case it made everyone—even his brother—disappear again.
Well, fuck that. It wasn’t Zach’s job to make anyone hang around. And he wasn’t to blame if they left.
“You know what’s wrong with me?” he asked, rising to his feet. “What’s wrong with me is I’m fucking furious.”
Nate blinked, sitting up straight. “With—me? What did I—?”
“With everything.” The words weren’t supposed to come out as a shout, but they did, bouncing off the house’s high, cobwebbed ceilings. The slight echo felt like support. Which, in turn, reminded Zach of Rae.
When he spoke again, he was quieter, but every word burned. “I’m pissed at all my so-called fucking friends for disappearing when I needed them. I’m pissed at Callie Michaelson for loitering outside work when she needed her car fixed, even though I hadn’t seen her in months. I’m pissed at both of you” —he jabbed a finger at Evan, who looked confused and horrified all at once— “for bugging me to hook up with someone. Even though I know you meant well, and you’re trying to be supportive, and it’s not your fault that you don’t know I’m demisexual.”
Snapping out each word felt like bleeding the poison from Zach’s veins, filling him with an odd, giddy sort of relief. He was finally doing it. He was releasing everything that festered inside him, pouring it somewhere other than a hunk of molten metal, and his world hadn’t collapsed yet.
Quite the opposite, actually. Despite his aching heart, despite his misery, Zach was flying. Soaring. Free.
Evan, sounding mildly dazed, said, “Demiwhat?”
Still irritable, Zach muttered, “And I’m pissed I’ll always have to fucking explain that.” But then he remembered the person he didn’t have to explain it to, and that made everything worse. The fire in him evaporated, and he sat down again, so hard it jarred his bones. Under his breath, he said finally, “I’m pissed that I’m in love with Rae, and she’s still in love with her ex.”
There was a moment of dumbfounded silence before Evan beamed, “You’re in love with Rae?”
Almost at the same time, Nate scowled, “Rae’s in love with her ex?”
It was weird; the first of those sentences hit Zach right, a humming note of truth, while the second grated on him like the scream of steel on steel. He opened his mouth to say “Yes,” anyway, but he couldn’t. He just couldn’t.
“Are you sure?” Nate went on, his scepticism obvious. “Because according to Hannah, Rae hates her ex’s guts.”
“Yeah, well,” Zach bit out. “Hannah’s smart, but she’s not a bloody mind reader. Things are… complicated.”
“Did she tell you she loved him?” Evan asked, reasonable as ever.
“Rae’s not so good at saying things out loud.” Although it hit Zach suddenly that she had, in fact, said something out loud on that horrible night. Repeatedly.
“No.”
He’d asked if she was in love with Kevin, and she’d said no.
Zach swallowed and sat up straight. He heard his brother say something, but he couldn’t focus on the words. His mind was stuck on the night of the ceremony, a night