His worries receded, just a little. “Later,” he murmured. “We’ll get back to this later.”
She blinked. “Are you sure?”
Surer by the second. “Yes. We should go to dinner. And,” he added, shooting her a wicked grin, “we need condoms.”
A shy smile curved her lips as she looked away. “Right. Condoms! And dinner. Both very important things. Um… do you mind if I take a shower before we go down?”
God, she was cute. “Of course not.” Before she could leave, he reached out and caught her hand. Held tight until her gaze met his again. Told her, in a sudden rush of warmth and heart-swelling tenderness, “I’m so glad I have a friend like you, Rae. So fucking glad.”
She squeezed his hand, her breaths suddenly shaky. “And I’m glad I have you.”
He smiled. One day, he’d tell her something else. Something about the way she made him feel, the way her presence tugged at his heart like they were connected by invisible threads.
And maybe, just maybe, she’d tell him the same.
Chapter 11
Rae’s need tasted like blood on her tongue: coppery and helpless.
“I’m so glad I have a friend like you.” She should’ve been pleased by that sentence, happy that sex wasn’t changing the way Zach saw her. Instead, the words had felt like a bucket of cold water, dragging her from soft, dreamlike pleasure to harsh reality.
Friendship wasn’t all she wanted from Zach, but it was all she could have. She needed to be alone, to be safe. And that was that.
They sat together in the dining hall, just like yesterday, but today Rae wore a plastic smile and felt a lump of self-loathing in her belly. She was feeling things, and she hated it. She’d thought that common sense would keep her safe—that she’d remember, no matter what, how dangerous love was. That she’d never forget trusting Kevin with her forever, and having that trust abused in countless ways. But Zach’s kiss had killed every hesitation, as if there’d been nothing before him and there’d be nothing after.
It wasn’t true. She couldn’t let it be true. When this meal was over, she would take him to bed, but she wouldn’t forget reality for a second. She couldn’t let herself.
God, she hoped dinner would never end.
In contrast to her misery, Zach was more cheerful than ever, playing the besotted fake boyfriend to the hilt. Every time he squeezed her hand, kissed her knuckles, or called her sunshine in that low, knowing voice, she flinched and ached simultaneously. Was this how it would feel, when he fucked her? Like slow, sweet poison? God, she didn’t know if she could take it.
Despite her best efforts, they finished eating all too soon. Zach led her toward the exit with an air of urgency that would be flattering if she weren’t terrified, but sadly, she was.
So, she did something desperate.
Rae looked left, looked right, and spotted an author she almost-sort-of-knew. Miriam was a charming, gregarious woman surrounded by a gaggle of friends, all of them clearly headed to the hotel bar. The bar was good. The bar was great. The bar could take forever. Decision made, Rae released Zach’s hand, took a deep breath, and forced herself to call across the room like some kind of possessed, extroverted socialite. “Miriam!”
They hadn’t spoken for at least a year, and they’d only ever been acquaintances—but, to her credit, Miriam didn’t miss a beat. “Rae, darling!” she trilled, and opened her arms as if they were long-lost sisters. Air kisses were exchanged. Introductions were made. When Rae called Zach her partner, the women all looked at her as if she’d won the lottery. Little did they know that by the end of this weekend, her winnings would disappear like fairy gold.
This wasn’t real. She couldn’t let it be real. She couldn’t look at him in case he made it real. She couldn’t, she couldn’t, she—
“We were just heading for a drink. I don’t suppose you’d like to join us?”
Rae nodded so hard she almost snapped her own neck. Miriam Barnes, you brilliant, beautiful fucker. “Yes, please.”
At the bar, Rae tried her best to seem like one of the girls for about ten minutes before giving it up as a bad job. She’d never done well in group situations. At home in Ravenswood, her saving grace was the fact that all of her friends were kind of… weird. Rae got weird. She meshed with weird. She was weird. A gaggle of sensible adults having mature and logical conversations, however,