and no-one would touch Zach if it meant facing his big brother’s wrath. But then Nate left, and it had been open season.
Rae cocked her head and smiled. “You? Seriously? Mr. Tall, Charming and Handsome?”
“Aw, shut up. Back then I was just awkward. But during the summer between school and sixth form, I started labouring—you know, for extra money, to help out at home. And I had a growth spurt around the same time. So, when summer ended, I, uh, I looked like this.”
“I see.” Judging by the expression on her face, she really did see. Zach hadn’t, not for a while. He’d been baffled, then slowly, tentatively hopeful when the kids who used to tease him had suddenly wanted to talk. When girls who’d never looked at him twice developed a fascination with his Batman rucksack. And when one of those girls had asked him out, he’d said yes, because… well, because she was nice, and because that was what people did.
“I got a girlfriend,” he said. “She was lovely. But, eventually, she wanted to have sex—which is when I realised that I didn’t.”
“How’d that turn out?” Rae’s voice was gentle.
His mouth twisted into a rueful smile. “She thought there was something wrong with her.”
“I’m starting to see where this is going.”
He snorted, unsurprised. “Am I that predictable?”
“You’re that sweet. Even when you shouldn’t be.”
Something about the way she said it, with this deep, undying appreciation, made it seem like an actual compliment instead of a laughable character flaw. His smile felt real all of a sudden. He laughed, surprising himself. Rae made things easy like that.
“I slept with her, obviously. It made her happy, so I kept doing it. I think that’s how it all started—how I wound up sleeping with a shit-ton of people I wasn’t even attracted to. But a little while back I realised that it mattered, and it was doing something awful to me. I just wanted to be… myself. So, I stopped. Better late than never, I guess.”
“Definitely.” She put a hand on his shoulder, and he met her eyes. She looked so serious, like she needed to hammer this home. “You should be proud of yourself, you know. Changing learned behaviour is hard. And brave. Even when you want to.”
He nodded. “Thanks.”
“And I’m sorry, Zach. So sorry that you ever had to go through that. I mean—that you did things you didn’t really want to do. That’s… That’s never okay.”
He covered her hand with his own and squeezed. Murmured again, “Thanks, Rae.” The phrase didn’t reflect even half of the bittersweet gratitude swirling inside him.
“Well,” she said, “thanks for telling me. Trusting me, I mean.” She smiled slightly, leaning back and sipping her lemonade. “Gotta say, Davis, I’m flattered.”
“I bet.” He rolled his eyes, but sunlight radiated from his chest. What had he been nervous about, anyway? He barely even knew anymore.
But then she hesitated, flashing him a wary look, and something inside him tensed. They weren’t quite done here. Rae paused, then took a deep breath. She seemed to be searching for just the right words, and once she found them, they came out steadily. “I want to ask you something. But you don’t have to answer, okay?”
Ah, shit. “Okay.” Please don’t ruin this. Please don’t ask me some bullshit—
“What I did on Friday night. The way I didn’t really take no for an answer. Did that trigger you?”
Her tone was so neutral, so calm, so utterly focused on Zach. There was no subtext, no pressure to answer one way or another. That fact, combined with her even bothering to ask—with her understanding that an experience like that could trigger him—meant so fucking much.
“That night was… a lot,” he admitted. “But, honestly? I’m okay.”
She bit her lip. “I’m so sorry.”
“It’s fine. A lot of the stuff in my past, I’ve worked through it.”
“But I—”
“Hey.” Now it was his turn to put a hand on her shoulder. “Listen to me. You didn’t know, but now you do. You fucked up, you get it, you apologised. I don’t want to dwell on it anymore. Alright?”
She nodded slowly. “Alright. But just so you know, that won’t happen again. And if I ever fuck up do something that makes you uncomfortable…”
“I’ll tell you,” he said softly.
She smiled and whispered, “Thanks.”
“While we’re doing this,” he added, “sorry if I was a little overzealous about… about turning you down.”
She winced. “You kind of had to be.”
True.
“Anyway, there’s really no need to apologise. I’m an adult. I’ve been