Hold Me Close - Talia Hibbert Page 0,255

beer interrupting his smile. “Why’s that?”

“I suppose I’m bored of it. Life will do that to you.” She sank onto the sofa beside Duke’s curled up bulk. He was snoring like a sledgehammer, each breath whacking at her heart in the best way possible. She kissed the top of his precious baby head.

“You know Duke’s a man, right?” Zach pointed out, sprawling into an armchair.

“Duke’s a dog.” She paused, cocking her head. “Hmm. Actually, I see what you mean.”

“Hilarious.” He was trying to sound sarcastic, but the twist of his mouth said he was fighting a smile. He thumbed the neck of his beer bottle and her mind showed her something: Zach, maintaining eye contact, burning her with that blue fire, while he slid the neck of the bottle into his sinful mouth. She shifted awkwardly against the cushions, trying not to roll her hips. Stop that.

Her mind switched things up. Now Zach was standing over her, cradling her face with one hand, parting her lips with his thumb and easing the bottle into her mouth. Jesus. She made a mental note to book a date with her vibrator. Clearly, she’d been neglectful.

“Speaking of dogs,” he said, dragging her back to reality, “tell me about this thing with your ex.”

Ah, Kevin. A bucket of cold water when she needed it. This was the most useful he’d been in years. “I’ve been invited to a convention. It’s this annual event in Manchester, over the bank holiday weekend, for fantasy authors and readers. The Burning Quill.”

Zach didn’t seem to recognise the name, which made sense; as far as Rae could tell, he was a casual fantasy fan, more of a sci-fi guy. Still, he said, “They invited you, huh? Ms. Big-Shot author.” His smile was all pleased and glowing, like he was proud of her.

She sipped her lemonade demurely and admitted, “I’ve been nominated for an award, too.”

“What?” Now he was openly excited. “When did that happen? You been keeping secrets, sunshine?”

She grimaced. “I haven’t really let myself enjoy it. It’s like a solid-gold cloud lined with shit.”

“Because of your ex?” And now his expression darkened. She caught a glimpse of fury in his eyes, like he was ready to crack skulls, but trying to hide it.

Sometimes she wondered what else Zach hid. The thought intrigued her more than it should.

She sank back into the cushions and said, “He hasn’t done anything wrong, if that’s what you’re thinking.” Not recently, anyway.

“Except for the part where he cheated on you after twenty-two years together?” Zach said mildly.

“Good memory.” She pointed at him. “But that doesn’t matter. We don’t care. We actually hate him for other reasons.”

That didn’t help Zach’s skull-cracking expression. “What reasons?”

“Private reasons,” she sniffed. “Here’s my problem: he’ll be at the convention. He’ll probably win an award. He’ll bring Billie—”

“Billie?”

“The new wife. The assistant.”

Zach wrinkled his nose. “Do we hate her?”

Rae shrugged. “She’s not the one who vowed her fidelity to me, so no. We are exhausted and ambivalent.”

“Alright. So, he’ll be at this thing, and he’ll bring Billie.”

“Yes. And everyone will look at me like I’m a big, sad, abandoned sack of poop. I’ll feel awkward and defensive and I’ll hate myself for letting him ruin my weekend. I can already see it happening. I’m already pissed in advance.” I wish I didn’t have to go alone. I wish I had a friend there.

I wish I had you.

Zach gave her a strange look. “I had no idea that you… Well, to be honest, I kind of thought you were impervious to judgment and all that shit. I don’t know why. It just never seems to bother you.”

Of course he’d think that. After all, when he was around her, it was true. But for some reason—maybe because she’d already hit rock-bottom embarrassment with him on Friday night—she found herself correcting his assumption.

“Sometimes it feels like there are two of me. There’s me after the divorce, the person I am here. The person I want to be. Here, I don’t care what people say or think—I honestly don’t. But then, when I’m not here, I become the old me. Kevin’s me. Because the people I used to know look at me differently, and…” She obviously couldn’t explain it, because the words tumbling from her lips made no sense. Her voice grew quieter as she finished. “No-one pities the real me, the person I am here. But in Kevin’s world, that’s all anyone ever does. And it makes me feel like someone else.”

Zach’s