And Beth. It had started to hit her over the last few days—when she’d realised that this arrangement between she and Nate couldn’t last—that she might actually lose her job. She might not be the kids’ nanny anymore. She might never stir marmalade into their porridge, or solve their arguments with empirical evidence, or move their toys in the night to convince them that fairies were watching them sleep.
Aaaand now she was crying again. Shit.
“Oh dear,” Rae said. “Well, better out than in!”
Ruth seemed to disagree. She caught Hannah’s wet face in both hands, locked their gazes together like magnets, and said sternly, “Han. Stop that.”
The sobs shaking Hannah’s body slowed down. The jagged feeling in her gut, was, for a moment, numbed. She managed to frown and tut, “Bugger off.”
Ruth patted her on the head like a dog. “Good. Very good.”
There was a pause as Hannah waited for more tears to come. They did not. Perhaps because she was scowling so ferociously. “You’re just trying to irritate me,” she accused, swiping at her wet cheeks.
“I don’t have to try,” Ruth said, very seriously. Then she looked over Hannah’s shoulder at Rae and asked, “Who is this?”
Rae smiled slightly. “Charmed, I’m sure.”
“Rae, this is my sister, Ruth Kabbah. Ruth, this is Rae…” She trailed off.
“McRae,” Rae supplied.
Hannah stared. “Your name is… Rae… McRae?”
“God, no. Can you imagine?” Apparently, Rae didn’t feel the need to explain further, because she moved swiftly on. “Now, why don’t you tell us what’s got you so upset?”
Ah. See, this was one of the many reasons why Hannah preferred to keep all emotions to herself. People couldn’t just let you have a minor breakdown, then move on with their day. They were always demanding explanations. Hannah didn’t like explaining herself. To anyone. Ever. It was just so exhausting.
But for some reason, right now she felt an almost physical urge to spill her guts. The whole sorry story was on the tip of her tongue. She looked from Rae’s sympathetic face to Ruth’s worried little frown, and decided—well. There was no reason not to tell them, now was there?
“Nate and I…” Oh dear. Telling was harder than she’d thought.
But, to her surprise, Rae cut her off with a triumphant, “Aha! I knew it!”
“Knew what?” Ruth demanded.
“Your sister is sleeping with Nate!” Then, after a moment, she added, “You are sleeping with him, right? Please tell me you are.”
Hannah winced. “Yep. And… And Evan and Zach just caught us kissing in the garden, and they wanted to know what was happening so I tried to pretend it was… I don’t even know what! Nothing, I suppose. But Nate looked so upset. And I’ve been upsetting him all week, I know I have, but I just can’t stop thinking about my parents and I don’t even know if we’re really together and everything is shit.” She dragged in a shaky breath, then looked hesitantly over at Ruth. What would she see on her little sister’s face? Horror? Shame? Disappointment?
…A small, satisfied smile? Wait, that wasn’t right.
Except, apparently, it was. Because Ruth’s tiny smile swelled into a full-on grin before Hannah’s eyes. And then, just to erase any doubt, she said, “You’re dating Nate? That’s lovely, Han. He has very big hands.”
“That’s what I thought!” Hannah said. “The hands! Hands are so—wait, hang on. First of all, we aren’t dating. And second, aren’t you… I don’t know, disgusted by my lack of principles?”
Ruth blinked. And blinked again. And then, finally, said, “Oh. You mean because you work for him?”
“Yes. That is exactly what I mean.”
“Well. Do you actually like him, or are you doing it for other reasons?”
“I love him,” Hannah said. Oh, wait. Fuck. She clapped a hand over her mouth as if to drag the words back in. “Like him!” she corrected, voice muffled. “I meant I like him! That’s all.”
Ruth and Rae shared a rather meaningful look before murmuring nonsense like “Ah,” and, “Of course”. Apparently, they were glossing over the whole love thing, for now. But that didn’t help, because Hannah knew the truth, and it was beyond depressing. Her lower lip trembled like something out of a fucking Oliver Twist adaptation as she blurted, “But it’s doomed!”
Oh, the drama. How very embarrassing.
Rae’s hand resumed its soothing, circular passage over her back. “Why’s that, poppet?”
“I—I—I don’t know.” Hannah admitted. “It just feels like it is. He says all these lovely things, but the more he says them, the more I feel like it just can’t be