wanted to pick up the kids today.” He marched off into the house before she could point out that school wouldn’t end for hours, yet.
Ah, well. It was probably for the best.
16
Hi Nate,
I know you said the sequence by the lake was fine during our call, but I was considering increasing the exposure a little bit. I don’t know what you think?
Best,
Lisha.
Lisha,
DO NOT TOUCH THE EXPOSURE. Unless you want your model to look like the ghost of a croissant, in which case, go for it.
Nate.
So, that had been a terrible idea.
Nate stood in the playground, waiting for his kids with even more impatience than usual. He felt like he hadn’t hugged them in a century—even though he’d actually hugged them yesterday morning. Whatever. It didn’t help that he’d been wandering the streets of Ravenswood for hours, waiting for school to end.
Because he’d needed to get out of the house. Because he needed to avoid Hannah.
When he looked at her, this twisted combination of guilt and desire choked him. It felt like acid, burning away inside, leaving him raw and vulnerable. He had realised two things on his tragically meandering walk. Firstly, that he’d just become exactly the kind of man he despised: the kind who bent rules and principles, instead of just rules. And, secondly, that he felt far too strongly about Hannah. Far too strongly. As in, the intensity of his affection for her was starting to seriously concern him. After all, their shared childhood aside, he hadn’t even known her that long. So why did it hurt so fucking badly when she pushed him away?
Time doesn’t matter. You fell in love with Ellie at first sight.
True.
But he hadn’t realised he was in love with Ellie until at least three months later. Nate reminded himself of this fact triumphantly, before his hazy brain grasped that it wasn’t actually helpful to his situation. In fact, all things considered, it was rather damning information.
You are not in love with Hannah. Just because you want to spend all your free time with her and you’d like to fall asleep holding her and you think she looks perfect when she comes, doesn’t mean you’re in love with her. You’re just confused because she sucked the soul out of your dick.
Which made way more sense, right? The sex had overwhelmed him because it was so impossibly good. That was all.
Nate wasn’t what you’d call a ladies’ man. About a year after Ellie died, he’d picked up some girl at a bar and had his first one night stand. He didn’t come, but he did throw up. It had been a delightful experience all round, clearly, like ripping off a plaster. These days, when he had the time and inclination, he found an agreeable woman and did what needed to be done.
Which, now he thought about it, sounded more grim than erotic.
He wasn’t used to good sex anymore. But he’d known it would be good with Hannah; better than good. He almost wished he’d been wrong, except not really, because he’d enjoyed himself way too fucking much for that. Aaaand now he was back to the guilt. Which, aside from anything else, was an inconvenient emotion to grapple with while surrounded by a gaggle of mums.
Oh, God, the mums.
“Nate, my darling, are you alright? You look like you’ve swallowed something awful.”
I have. It’s the reality of my own weak moral fibre. “No, no. I’m fine, thanks, Caroline.”
“You sure, babe? Won’t judge you if you’ve managed to catch a fly.” Caroline cackled, slapping him on the back, and her friends all laughed merrily along.
It wasn’t that every woman on Hollygate Primary’s playground made a beeline for Nate, or anything like that. 99% of them were more concerned with keeping an eye on their toddlers, or catching up with friends, or trying not to fall asleep at a picnic bench. But that last 1%… that last 1% were a pain in the fucking arse. Because for reasons he couldn’t quite grasp, that small group of yummy mummies had developed quite the attachment to him.
Caroline was still cackling, and, against all odds, Nate could feel his hangover returning. Or maybe the migraine threatening his tender skull had nothing to do with last night’s drunkenness. Maybe it was a brand-new ache brought on by Caroline’s reckless good cheer.
Beside Caroline stood Kieran, her razor-sharp bob gleaming in the early morning sun. Kieran was a doctor. A private consultant, actually. Nate knew this because she never bloody shut up about it.