I knew that. And we couldn’t keep doing this. If only they didn’t hate each other. So, I threw out the only caveat that I knew they’d never accept.
“It’s either all of us or none of us,” I said clearly.
Both guys balked at my words. The words they had surely never expected to hear. I’d only thought them in abstract, knowing it was impossible. But there was nothing holding us back from the precipice now.
“We’re a trio, or we’re not. That’s the only offer I have.”
“That’s crazy,” Cole said.
“That would never work,” Ash insisted.
I glanced between them. Blue eyes and brown hair and red, red blood. I’d known they’d say no. How could they say anything else? But they must not have realized what the alternative meant.
“Then it’s nothing.”
They argued and fought and tried to get me to hear what they were saying, but they’d made their position clear while they rolled around on the church steps. It was over.
I’d spent my entire life fighting between these two men. I’d had casual dates with other people, but part of me had known I’d always end back up with one of them. It was only now that I knew that I had to try something else. There had to be something … someone else out there. Without the history and the baggage and the pain.
My mom kept the boys back and herded me into the car. She didn’t say anything as we drove home.
“How much did you see?” I asked once we were inside.
“Enough.”
I nodded and sank onto the couch. My eyes were dry, but I knew it was only a matter of time. “What have I done?”
“The only thing you could with that ridiculous behavior on the church steps.” She sat next to me and pulled my head into her lap. She ran her fingers back through my hair as I tried to cry but felt nothing.
“Yeah,” I whispered. “I thought he was forever.”
“Cole?”
I stared up at her blankly.
She patted my arm reassuringly. “Both of them.”
“It was never going to happen though, was it?”
My mom sighed. “I don’t know, honey, but you don’t need a man to be happy.”
“Like you? Do you miss Dad?” I asked the question that I’d always held back.
My mom didn’t talk about my dad. It was bad enough that he’d abandoned her with four daughters right after my birth. It was worse that she still obviously loved him.
“Some days,” she said. “But just because he was my one doesn’t mean I’m not better without him. I got to raise four beautiful girls. I’ve had the best life for me, and you’ll find the best life for you.”
I sure hoped she was right.
34
Santa Monica
June 23, 2017
“Keep the mimosas coming,” Josie said.
She waved her fresh manicure at the waiter and rolled over on the cushioned chair to look at me and Marley. We were in the swank Santa Monica Hotel Casa del Mar for Josie’s wedding. She’d booked us suites for the weekend, and we were currently lounging poolside in skimpy bikinis, drinking Dom Pérignon, and soaking up the California sun.
“I can’t believe you’re getting married tomorrow,” Marley said from the pool.
“Again,” I said.
Josie stuck her tongue out at me. “It’s going to be amazing. Like, just imagine the Santa Monica beach decked out for our wedding. I’m thinking we all run to the pier afterward and jump on the Ferris wheel.”
I laughed. Marley turned green.
“You know how I feel about heights.”
“Just one turn!” Josie insisted.
“I’ll keep you safe,” I told Mars.
“I’m going to need to be drunk. A drunk bridesmaid.”
“Whatever. It’s LA. It’s fine.”
“When does Craig get back from Vegas?” Marley asked.
“Tomorrow morning.”
Josie’s groom, Craig, had been gone the last three days on some Vegas bachelor party extravaganza. His best man had planned and decided to tell Josie that it was going to be à la The Hangover. They’d even gotten the penthouse at Caesars. Josie had opted for something more low-key. We’d spent all morning at the spa, and after our mimosa pool day, we were doing a decadent dinner out in Malibu and going to some swank nightclub.
Josie had planned her own bachelorette party. To no one’s surprise.
I flopped back on the cushion. “I can’t believe this is your life.”
“I know,” she gushed. “I mean … I still can’t believe that Academy is going into its seventh season.”
“Hottest show on television.” I waggled my eyes up and down. “Literally.”
“When they dropped the PG rating, it increased viewership,” she agreed. “I mean, look at HBO