And I was twenty-two. She’d gotten more use out of it than they’d expected. But I still hadn’t thought about it. Of course my mom took anti-rejection medication every day and would for the rest of her life. We’d all hoped the medicine would do its job forever. That wasn’t realistic.
“Yeah, we knew that, but I didn’t know it would be now.”
“Me neither.”
“What does this mean, going forward?”
I suddenly saw the weight my mom had been holding since I got here. She hadn’t told me until now, right before I was going to leave. Everyone else must already know.
“It means that I’m back on the donor list.”
My vision went black. “But … you might never find a match! How long do you have?”
“I have enough time to be on the list.”
“Well, I’ll go get tested.”
My mom reached out and took my hand. “No, I could never ask you to do that.”
“You’re not asking. I’m telling you.”
She shook her head. “A parent should never have to take something like that from their child. You have a long life ahead of you.”
“You’re only in your fifties,” I argued. “You still have a full life ahead of you. Don’t talk like that.”
“That’s what the list is for, Dee.”
“But isn’t it likely that one of us is a donor? Have Steph and Eve and Elle gotten tested?”
“I told them not to.”
I jumped to my feet. “And since when have they ever listened?”
“Dee, please, it’s a lot to take in right now. I know it’s upsetting, but we can get through this together.”
“And you?” I asked, my voice catching. Tears coming to my eyes. “What’s it going to be like for you while you wait?”
My mom’s jaw set. “I can live a normal life. It’s going to depend on how long the transplant takes. I’ll have more appointments, dialysis.”
“Oh God,” I whispered. I pressed the heels of my hands into my eyes. “Mom …”
“I know, honey. But it’s going to be okay.”
And she sounded so calm.
Like it really was all going to be okay.
The news was too fresh for me. She must have found out weeks ago to already be on the transplant list. She had waited to tell me in person. And now, it all hurt too much.
I pulled her into a hug. “I love you, Mom.”
“I love you too.”
“I just … I need to process this.”
“I understand. Your sisters needed time too.” She stroked a hand down my hair. “I’m going to start making Easter dinner. Maybe you should call your sisters and talk to them about this. It’ll help you.”
I nodded. “Yeah. Maybe.”
I watched her walk away with a sick feeling in the pit of my stomach. I wanted to be there for my mom. I couldn’t let her deal with this alone. But she seemed determined to appear as if everything were fine. I knew it couldn’t possibly be.
I snatched my purse and keys off of the front table and headed out to my car. I skipped a text and called Ash before I could stop myself.
“Hey. This is a surprise,” he said easily.
“Can you meet me at the park?”
“Uh …”
“Please, Ash,” I said, my voice breaking.
He was silent before answering, “Yeah, give me a few minutes.”
“Thank you.”
I hung up and drove straight to Forsyth Park. It was busy for Easter Sunday, but I found a parking spot nearby. I hadn’t changed out of my heels and was regretting it as I crossed the cobbled streets and into the park. I walked the Spanish moss–lined walkway to the fountain and took a seat at the base while I waited.
It was another twenty minutes before Ash Talmadge walked to the fountain. His gaze was set on mine, and his stride quickened. “Hey, is everything okay?”
“No,” I said. “I didn’t know if you’d be able to get away.”
“Well, no one was happy about it, least of all Heather, but you sounded upset.”
“You told her you were coming to see me?”
He nodded. “I told her it was an emergency.”
“I bet she didn’t like that. I’m sorry.”
He took a seat next to me by the fountain. “What happened?”
“So, you know how my mom had a kidney transplant after I was born?”
“Yeah?”
“Well, it’s rejecting, and she’s back on the transplant list.”
“Fuck,” he whispered.
“I know.”
“Lila, I’m so sorry. That’s terrible.”
“She’s okay for now,” I told him. “But it’s going to get worse, and she doesn’t want any of us girls to get tested to see if we’re a match.