The Hitman's Guide to Tying the Knot Without Getting Shot - Alice Winters Page 0,96

a gun’s like a box of chocolates. You can never have enough. Unless it’s the cherry kind and those suck hairy, sweaty balls.”

“Then why do I always find them in the box lightly sampled?”

“Just in case they might be something else that’s better,” he says. “Are you complaining that I’m gracious enough to share with you my lightly chewed-on chocolate?”

“Not at all,” I say as I slow at a stop sign and hold my hand out. He slips his into it as he smiles at me. “I love you and I love how far you’re going to keep me safe.”

“I love you too and I’m willing to burn down the entire world for you,” he says.

“When others would say that, it would just be cute, but with you, I’m positive you really would without hesitation.”

He gives me an eager nod. “Ohhhh yeah. It’d be a Lelandocalypse.”

“Sounds devastating and slightly romantic,” I say.

He squeezes my hand, clearly proud of himself. “That’s me. Lelandocalypse the Romantic.”

I lift his hand up to my mouth and kiss it just as Leland’s phone rings. “Cassel again,” Leland says as he accepts the call and it comes over the car’s Bluetooth.

“Hey, Sugar.”

“So, I just got an alert that someone broke into the agency. Do you want me to send in the police?” he asks.

“Did you get a look at them?” I ask.

“No, they’re in a blind spot, but the window is clearly shattered. They’re all in black and tried the front and back door before getting a rock and breaking through the back window. This was about three minutes ago.”

I take the next right, heading toward the agency.

“Let’s see if we can nab them first if Jackson is up for it,” Leland says as he gives me a hopeful look.

“Yeah, I have questions and the police don’t ask questions the way we do,” I say.

Leland grabs his chest with love clearly in his eyes. “You’re so fucking sexy.”

“Thanks,” I say as I speed up a bit. Since we’re right in town, I don’t want to draw attention to us by speeding through the city, so I keep it just a few over the limit.

“Don’t be dumb. They’re not aware they’ve triggered the alarm, but they’re still likely armed,” Cassel says.

“We’ll be careful,” Leland assures him as he dives into the back seat and drops down the seat to skid into the trunk where his dry guns are. When I glance in the rearview mirror he’s kissing the ones he’d been wearing before setting them in their cases where they’ll be cleaned, loved, kissed, and fondled before we sleep tonight. All the while I’ll be left to clean and fondle myself.

“I’ll figure out what I can and let you know,” Cassel says before hanging up.

I look back in time to see Leland smile down at his gun like it’s a little baby. “Do you ever get tired of kissing on your guns?” I ask.

“Um. No. Why would I? You ever get tired of playing jealous lover?”

“I’m not jealous about some guns.”

I can just hear his soft chuckle float up here like he’s enjoying this too much. “Soooooo jealous. But I love it. I love you jealous. Say, ‘I’m a jealous little lad.’”

“No.”

“Say, ‘My ass and heart belong to Leland the Lucky.’”

“No.”

“What about, ‘I love taint tickles’?”

“What? Lord.”

He grabs me in a headlock and at first I think he’s that upset about me refusing to say taint tickles until I realize he’s cramming a bulletproof vest on me while I’m trying to drive.

“I can’t see anything!” I cry.

“I have to keep you safe!” he shouts back, as if blinding me while I’m driving so he can put the bulletproof vest on me will save me from dying. Leland logic is so extremely confusing sometimes.

I park at the apartment complex where Mila lives since it’s a good walking distance from the agency. Leland hands me one of his precious guns—which should really tell me how much he loves me—and turns to face me. “Ready?”

“Yeah, we’ll head to the back where they broke in first,” I say.

“Got it,” he says as we make our way toward the back.

I slip in front of him so if someone is waiting right inside they’ll get me first, but Leland gives me a look and pushes me back so he’s first. I grab him and yank him back and then suddenly we’re in this silent debate of who goes first. His eyes are wide and his hand motions are out of control but I’m