could happen to you?" I tried to sound reasonable, but it came out as a hoarse whisper.
"I think so."
"We just have to wait for Alex, and then we can think about it. You can have time to think about it."
His hand cupped the side of my face, sliding his fingers into my hair. He kissed me, ever so softly on the other side of my face. "I don't want to think."
I closed my eyes as he rubbed his face against mine, like a cat scent-marking, his hand tightened in my hair enough that I made a small noise for him. "What do you want?"
"I want to go home," he whispered.
I drew away enough to look into his eyes; they'd already gone soft, half-focused. His lips were parted, and his lower lip was wet as if he'd licked it. The ardeur pushed at me; the tigers slapped at me, raking their claws down the inside of my body so that I half-crumpled in his arms. He caught me, held me, his face all concern. "Are you all right?"
I nodded. I was, but I wouldn't be if I fought too much longer. I thought about Alex, and I felt him, he was coming, but I felt his irritation with his mother; she'd delayed him. He was too far away, I couldn't hold out . . . I smelled Ethan's skin and was honest with myself: I didn't want to hold out. Yes, it was the ardeur, yes, it was the tigers inside me, but it was also his loneliness. I'd been lonely for years; I knew what it was like to be different and have no one love you for it.
"Are you all right?" he asked again, his hands on my arms now, as if he were afraid I'd fall.
"I will be," I said.
"What can I do?"
I drew back from the ardeur, shoved the tigers down, and knew it wouldn't last. "I need you to understand that I can't control all of this. I don't know how much of your free will you'll lose when we do this. I need you to really understand that, Ethan."
His gray eyes were very serious as he looked down at me. "I understand."
"Do you?" I asked.
"No, but for the look in your face just a few minutes ago, for the smell of your skin, for that taste of belonging . . . Don't leave me here alone."
I thought at Alex. I thought, too late, Stay away, and then I stopped fighting. Stopped fighting the ardeur, stopped fighting the tigers, and stopped fighting myself. I gave myself to the moment and the man in my arms.
Chapter Thirteen
IT TOOK TIME to disarm each of us. My concern for my weapons helped chase back the ardeur enough that other issues came up - like the fact that the small room Ethan had kicked open was the machinery room. It was bare and concrete floored. I was down to my bra and jeans with a pile of weapons at my feet when I laughed and said, "Where can we have sex that we won't lose skin doing it?"
Ethan peeled his shirt over his head and dropped it on his own pile of weapons. I would have tried to find someplace more comfortable to have sex, but seeing him shirtless distracted me. The fine muscles I'd seen in his arms hadn't quite prepared me for how very nice he looked out of the shirt. There was always that moment when you got the clothes off for the very first time. It never grew old for me, that wonder of the first time, from the clothes coming off, to the first touch, the first kiss. Everyone kept telling me that with this many people in my life, and bed, I'd get jaded, but I never did. It was always fresh wonder, and Ethan standing there shirtless helped me chase back the ardeur even more, or maybe I just had more control of it now. But whatever the reason, I moved toward him, my hand outstretched so that I could run my fingers down the smooth, muscled grace of his chest. I had other men in my life who were more muscled, had more bulk, but Ethan's level of muscle was just dandy. I ran my hand over the smooth swell of his chest, avoiding the nipples for now, because I actually wanted to caress him before we raised the ardeur too far again.