Highest Bidder Collection - Lauren Landish Page 0,248

in exchange for protection.

Their error was thinking that I gave a damn. I was ready to die. I didn’t care how. It didn’t matter to me who pulled the bullet.

My father didn’t make a move. If anything, he knew I was honest and he gave me the only thing I truly wanted. Freedom from his rule. But now that my brother is gearing up to take over, my past is coming back to haunt me.

I’m not going back. I don’t care how many men my brother sends here. I’ll kill them all before I go back. I just hope it doesn’t come to that. I haven’t pulled a trigger in a long fucking time. But I sure as fuck didn’t forget how to do it.

The pen stills on the paper as I hear the faint padding of Lilly’s bare feet against the floors behind me. Her anger has waned tremendously. She’s not trying to fight me like she was before.

Maybe she’s forgiven me. Maybe she’s realized that she wasn’t as angry as she thought she was. She was hurt because she thought she knew me.

In many ways she does. More than anyone else ever has.

Or maybe it’s because I stopped fighting her.

I’ve been going easy on her. I don’t want to give her a reason to go back to that cage. I don’t want to give her a reason to fight me any more than she already has. I don’t see a way out of this, other than meeting with my brother. But to do that, I have to leave Lilly, and not something I can’t risk. I won’t risk her.

“Joseph?” She asks me.

Although she’s used my real name, she still kneels beside the chair. I never know which side of her I’m going to get until she approaches me. It’s a funny thing, I thought I didn’t want a submissive. I didn’t want someone else to control what we do and when and what our rules are. But Lilly’s gotten under my skin. I’m bending for my flower. I’d rather do that than to see her wilt.

“Yes?” I turn to her, petting her hair and waiting for her to look up at me.

She visibly swallows and clasps her hands in her lap. She seems nervous which in turn makes me nervous, but of course I don’t show her that. I’m her Master at all times, I must be strong for her.

“What are you doing?” She asks, her eyes on the journal.

I pat my lap, “come sit with me.” She stands slowly and obeys me, but there’s still hesitation in her actions. I’ve yet to earn her trust back. Even if she gives me these small moments. I know what we once had is broken.

I place my journal on her lap. My heart races in my chest, every bit of vulnerability I’ve ever had is documented. I don’t know why I write it all down. Maybe the dark scenes that haunt me late at night will leave me. If only I’m to write them down.

“I like to write things I remember.” Her pale blue eyes focus on mine through her thick lashes. And then back down to the journal. I can see those wheels turning in her head, she wants to ask more. I don’t wait, I pull her closer to me, my fingers tickling the curve of her waist as I sit back in the chair. “I used to do very bad things, Lilly.” My heart pounds in my chest as I confess to her. “I’ve written down some more for you.” I swallow thickly. “These ones are just for you.” My body chills at the thought of her hating me when she reads them. It’s all the truth of what I’ve done. I can’t forgive myself, but maybe she will. She’s kinder than me. She met me when I’d tried to move on.

Her breathing comes in a little louder. She licks her lips slightly and then asks, “why did you do them?” The hurt in her voice kills me.

“You didn’t want me to turn out to be a bad man did you?” She wants there to be good in all people. I can tell that about her. It’s one of the qualities I find endearing about her. I think that’s one of the reasons she’s so angry with me. I disappointed her. But I swear I tried.

Her voice cracks as she answers, “you aren’t a bad man.” She can’t even look me in the eyes as she says