“Or to a hotel. I have coin, if you need some. Whatever you prefer.”
He hesitated, looking past me into the house. “What I’d prefer is to be with you,” he eventually said, his voice quiet. “Though that I’ve made you think otherwise indicates I probably don’t deserve the privilege.”
A sigh of relief ran through me. “Is that supposed to be an apology?”
One corner of his mouth turned up. “I was working my way in that direction.”
The need to close the distance between us was almost unbearable, but I held my ground. “Work harder.”
The wind swirled, snowflakes melting before they touched his cheeks. It made me think of the time we were on the lake, and I had described the seasons to him until the feel of his lips on my skin had chased away all thought. That was what I wanted now: not to have to speak or listen, but just to feel. I held my breath.
“I am sorry.” There was a faint shake in his voice. “I love you above all things in this world or any other, and yet there are times when I think I subject you to the worst of me, and I can’t explain why.”
I opened the door the rest of the way, then stepped aside so he could come in. The corners of his borrowed cloak brushed against my skirt, pressing the damp fabric against my skin, making me shiver. The foyer was wide, but he remained close enough that I could smell the smoke clinging to his clothing, feel the heat radiating from his skin, see the lamplight glittering in eyes that nothing of this world possessed. Close enough to touch, and oh, how I wanted to.
“I was building it.” The words were hoarse, and he swallowed audibly. “The structure that I designed to replace the magic tree, I was building it. With the half-bloods’ help, and my father’s… well, not his blessing, but his permission.”
A million questions sprang to mind, but I bit my tongue.
“I can explain later how I got that permission, but suffice it to say, it was gained by my beating him at his own game. The first time ever, I think.” A smile flashed onto his face, then faded just as quickly. “Everything’s a mess in Trollus. It’s worse than when you left. I made a mistake that nearly caused Marc to lose his mind. The twins are relegated to the mines. The half-bloods can lie. Angoulême has possession of my brother’s name. Lessa has stolen Anaïs’s life.” He shook his head once. “My own mother even tried to kill me.”
I heard everything he said, but it was almost too much for me to take in. I’d suspected that much had happened in Trollus, but hearing the names of those I cared about as those who had been harmed, and the names of our enemies as those who were triumphing? My stomach twisted, and I clenched my teeth together to keep quiet.
“But despite everything existing in a miserable mess, I was finally starting to see how all the pieces fit together.” His eyes were fixed on me, but it wasn’t me he was seeing. “I was starting to see how his plan fit together, what his motivations were. The half-bloods supported me, the guilds were rallying to our cause, and even some of the aristocracy were openly siding with me. My structure was rising higher and higher, and my people were finally beginning to work together in a way I always dreamed they would. I was so very close…”
He blinked, and his eyes focused on mine. “And then you called my name, and I left everything that I’d gained behind.”
I recoiled back against the table. “I’m sorry,” I choked out. “All I knew was that you were sick, and breaking you free was the only way I could think to help you.”
“Don’t be sorry.” He lifted a hand as though to touch me, then let it fall back to his side. “This is what I’m trying to explain, Cécile. That I’m angry, but not at you.”
I let my gaze drop to his chest. “I ruined your plans.”
“No. It wasn’t a choice between me answering your call or staying to finish my work in Trollus. It was the choice between answering your call or both of us dying.” A warm filament of magic caught under my chin, lifting my face up. “The only solution was an impossible one, and yet here we stand. Alive.”