thinking of the two women. Since dinner with them on Thanksgiving, it seemed like every time Julia called home either Mami or Abuela made a point of asking about me. I wasn’t sure how much they knew about what had been going on with me and Julia. Fuck, I didn’t know for sure myself. But anytime they called and I was around they’d insist I get on the phone to say hello. I wasn’t going to lie, it was pretty heartwarming, even though I knew they drove poor Julia up the wall sometimes.
She exhaled in answer to my question, and I heard rumbling like she was shutting a door. “I love them, but they are a lot. I forget how much I regress when I’m home. I’ve been here for three days, and as much as I’m happy to be home, I turn into a petty adolescent when I’m around my mother.” She sighed, but when she spoke again she sounded lighter.
“I shouldn’t complain too much. Overall it’s been good to visit. And I get to see you soon.”
“I’ve missed you. Can’t wait to get you alone. I’ve been jerking off to the panties you left in my bed.”
“Rocco,” she yelped and I grunted, imagining her flushed and little off-kilter. “I’m in my parents’ house. Phone sex is out of the question.” She sounded more delighted than distressed, but I’d cut her a break.
“But you love being home, right?”
The perverse selfish part of me wished she said that she loved being in New York. That she didn’t miss Dallas and our friends or our neighborhood and the restaurants we’d discovered and loved. Because that way she would come back to New York and maybe that way I could have her.
But Julia had fought like hell to make a life in Dallas, and wishing that all that fell apart would make me a real monster. And I’d be lying too. I’d miss our friends and our spots. I’d miss her and who she was here.
“You still there, babe?”
“Yeah, sorry.”
“I can imagine. Anyway, it’s nice to see my family and Alba.” She groaned again. “I feel so ungrateful, because they are so happy to have me here, and it is cool to be in town. But—”
She paused for a moment, like she was unsure of how to say what she was feeling, and I held my breath for a second.
Why was I doing this to myself?
“But what, muñeca?”
She chuckled ruefully. “I don’t know, I guess I miss Dallas, I miss you and the crew.”
It was like a punch in the gut, because I knew all of this would be taken away. If I did what Phil wanted me to, I’d lose her. If I didn’t and fucked myself over, I’d be out of a job and back in New York, scrambling to help my sister. No matter what I did, this little bubble of happiness I’d been in would burst. But something in me still wanted to fight to keep it, to keep her.
“Maybe it’s just that you need your space. That you’ve gotten used to having your own place.”
She exhaled again and then muttered an apprehensive maybe, and I wondered if I’d missed a chance. If I should’ve told her that I hadn’t been able to sleep the last few nights, because she wasn’t in my bed. That in the three weeks since we’d been doing this, whatever it was, she’d burrowed into my heart and I had no clue how I was going to walk away.
“Rocco, are you there?”
I snapped back to attention and realized I must have zoned out again. “I’m here. Navigating traffic, that’s all. I’m almost at the airport.”
“Did you get Miss Pulga settled?”
I smiled at the mention of my tiny roommate. “Yeah, José’s dogsitter will go by my place once a day to check on her and leave her some food.”
It’d been so easy to find help. To call José and ask him what he did with his dogs. I had people now I never thought I’d have. The idea of losing it all in just a few weeks felt like an anvil on my chest.
“That’s good. José really likes her.” Another pause. “Are you feeling okay about seeing your folks?”
With as little as I’d shared about my family, she still knew to ask.
“It is what it is. I’m looking forward to seeing Sofia and Blue.” Thinking about my sister did make having to deal with my parents seem less daunting. “Yeah, I can’t wait to