needed to calm down, and talk to my dick while it was at it.
“Actually, I’ll see you there. I want to check in on Sofia and Blue.” The mention of my sister and niece mollified him a bit and we ended the call. But instead of calling my sister like I needed to, I clicked on the little icon over Julia’s name that had a picture of her. I leaned in, getting closer to the monitor, and my breath hitched when I saw Julia Ortiz in her natural habitat.
The photo showed her from the back. I grinned at the idea that, like me, she didn’t believe in putting out too much personal shit for any nut to look at. The cynical New Yorker stereotype wasn’t all bullshit.
This was a different version of Julia from the one I’d seen. Her curly hair, which so far I’d only seen up in complex braids around her head or buns, was flowing down her back in a huge mass of curls. I stared at the screen, taking her in. She was on the boardwalk on the Brooklyn Bridge in a yellow sundress, showing toned calves and an ass I could write poetry about.
A New York City girl.
Her arms were above her head and it looked like she was just strolling along, enjoying the sun. I got a feeling that whoever took that photo only had eyes for her. I felt a pang of jealousy for that person. That she knew them well enough to trust them like that. Her back to them and her arms in the air, free.
I imagined her turning her face over her shoulder to look at the camera, bright and happy. The way I hadn’t seen her yet. I had my face pressed so close to the screen I could feel the heat of the monitor. I felt a hunger to see this real-life version of Julia. The curve of her neck, those brown shoulders and hair streaked with gold. I imagined her laughing as she walked, and I felt the pull of something I thought I’d weaned myself off for good.
Longing. A deep and unsettling want. I hadn’t wanted like that in a long time, and this was not the time to start indulging, or the woman to do it with.
I shook my head and closed the tab with Julia’s profile. Maybe I was better off not going to this thing. This was a dumb idea, and I was already going down a road that could prove problematic. I was about to cancel the RSVP when my cell phone started vibrating on my desk with a call from my sister, Sofia.
“Hey, sis. How’s you?” I tried not to immediately ask if something was wrong. I worried about her, but I could not take on all of my sister’s problems.
“Hey, bro. You get some cowboy boots yet?” I could barely contain the exhale when I heard her sounding happy. No disaster on the horizon tonight.
“Not yet, but I saw some little kid ones the other day and I almost bought a pair for Blue. How’s the baby girl?”
She laughed at that. My sister wasn’t perfect, but she was a great mom to her kid. “Good, she loves staying at Unca Rock’s place.”
I’d asked Sofia to stay at my place with Blue since I’d be gone for a few months. I had more space in Astoria and lived closer to the train than her little apartment in Rego Park.
Sofia had gotten pregnant at nineteen when she’d been couch surfing at friends’ houses because she refused to live with our parents or me and was not making the best choices. She’d been on some bad shit for a while, but she got it together once she found out she was having a baby. She tried hard and was a good mom, but Blue’s dad was a fucking idiot and my parents were the opposite of helpful. Which meant that her entire support system was me.
“Good, is everything all right with you?”
She took a second to respond, but when she spoke she sounded hurt. “Everything’s good. I’m just calling you to see how you’re doing. I don’t need to have a reason to call.”
Now I felt like shit. “Sorry, and thanks for calling.” I did a lot better as caregiver than receiver, especially with my sister.
“You’re welcome. I know you get all twitchy when anyone does anything nice for you, but I swear you’ll survive.”