how his firm felt about the foundation’s place in Sturm’s future.
He just stared at me with a blank expression again and my heart started pounding in my chest. I hesitated before adding the next part, because I was still not sure where we stood. “Even if I’m not there.”
This time he did react, his face panicked. “What do you mean, not be there?”
This was not the moment to bring this up. Again I’d almost let my own insecurities muddle things that were already extremely complicated. I flipped my hand, dismissing what I’d just said. “Nothing. Just talking.”
It wasn’t just talking. I hadn’t stopped thinking about what my mom and dad had said. I’d thought if Rocco felt the same way I did, that I could go back to New York. We hadn’t really talked about the future yet, but ending things just didn’t seem like where we were going. Except now, I wasn’t too sure where we stood, and I didn’t feel like I could ask.
When he turned toward me, he did not look like my outburst was news he’d wanted to hear. “Sofia called.” The way his mouth pursed made me think the call had not been a good one.
“What happened?”
“My parents were watching Blue today and while they were sleeping off an early afternoon bender, she walked out of the house. Someone found her before she walked into traffic. CPS has opened an investigation.”
Shit.
“Did they remove Blue?”
He shook his head, but his mouth was still a flat line. “No. Sofia explained she was just with my parents only a few hours a week. But they’re coming to check the house tomorrow.”
“Has she been working with the agency I told you about?”
His face relaxed a bit when I asked that, and he dipped his head. “Yes, she said she’s been in touch with her advocate and they would call the CPA worker on her behalf.”
“Good. That’s good. Sofia has her shit together, they’ll see that.”
He didn’t look too convinced, and then went back to the awkward staring into space.
“Rocco, are you all right?” I tried to grab his hand as I spoke, but he stood up and started pacing around the room.
“Things are about to really rev up at work. There are—”
He stopped moving and turned his back to me. He was starting to freak me out. His shoulders were tight and when he refused to look at me, then I understood. Before he said the words, I knew what he’d come here to do. I sat there in a daze, thinking that this could not be happening again.
When he turned around and focused on something over my head, my stomach flipped and I had to cover my mouth to keep from puking. “I don’t think we should keep seeing each other, Julia.”
I almost laughed, but I knew if I opened my mouth I’d start crying, and I was not going to cry.
“It’s better this way.” He sounded like he was dead inside, and I had no idea what to do.
I stood up and moved toward the door, not sure what I was doing. It was like he’d turned into someone else. I knew this could be from stress, from the issue with his sister, from his parents and how shitty they were, but I was hurt.
I wasn’t his fucking therapist. I was his girlfriend.
I took a deep breath and stood in front of him. I didn’t touch him but I stood close. “You’re going to look me in the eyes for this, Rocco.” I fisted my hands, so I didn’t grab his chin and force him to make eye contact.
But just my words made him flinch.
“No one is making you do this, Rocco. You are choosing to hurt me.”
His face was like stone. “I’m under a lot of pressure, Julia. I have no idea what I’m going to do about work. I need to get Sofia away from my parents before a fucking tragedy happens. I have responsibilities. My job—”
“What about your job? We’ve always known there was a bit of a conflict there, Rocco. You’ll do your job, and I’ll do mine and then we’ll figure it out.”
“You don’t understand. I’m going to give them the recommendation to go ahead with the IPO, Julia. That means cuts.”
Even as he said it, I wanted to argue. To tell him that his recommending they ax the foundation was something we could work through. I was doing it again. I was shutting off my own needs so I could tend