induce me to hate you,” she cried softly. “I know what you are thinking, Nicolas, and I promise it does not have to—”
He pressed a kiss of violent tenderness against her forehead, then murmured against her flesh, “I never want to see you again.”
Maryann simply froze, yet she was aware of nothing but him. The beat of his heart against her chest, his masculine scent, the tender way he framed her face, the regret felt in his touch, and the absolute promise heard in his voice.
She stepped away from him, forcing him to lower his hands. “You cannot mean it.”
He angled his sleek dark head to one side and studied her with unflinching intensity. “Never, do you understand me? For you shall be a reminder of how much of a coward I am.”
The words were a brutal strike to her heart.
“You are not a coward,” she said softly, afraid that she might shatter at any moment.
“Then what am I if not a coward? I am willing to give up my honor, my vow, my pride, I am forsaking justice that is denied to her because I cannot bear the idea of hurting you.”
That he had placed her before his honor and pride was an unforgivable sin for a man who already lived with the guilt of failure. Now he would have failed Miss Arianna twice. “He does not have to escape justice. He can still be punished.”
“How?”
Her throat tightened.
“Should I remove his eyes, letting him live with the pain of no sight for the rest of his life? A fit punishment that he should watch and not even run for help?”
She recoiled at the brutality of that statement.
“Or should I ruin his finances and any possibility of solvency for his future? Or should I see him sold to a press gang or exiled from his family and sent abroad without connections or money? Should I destroy his reputation, so he is not accepted by anyone in the ton and all his friends turn their backs on him? What punishment can I give that will not see you hurt and us enemies?”
The resolve she stared at was frightening. The awareness of how much he must have loved Arianna drove the air from Maryann’s lungs. Because she saw no compromise in him that Crispin could be punished yet they still could have a future. And she had nothing to offer that might prove otherwise.
Maryann gripped his jacket, her entire body shaking. Unable to stop the sob that rose in her throat, she started crying. Pressing her forehead to his chest and gripping the lapel of his jacket as if it were a lifeline, she cried at the loss tearing through her. “I do not want to choose,” she said, her shoulders shaking.
“I am not asking you to,” he murmured, his chin resting on the crown of her head.
She lifted her chin and stared into his eyes.
“I choose you,” she whispered, even knowing what it would cost. Her heart broke and more tears came. Whichever way she leaned, pain was waiting on the other side, and she could not bear the agony.
Shrewd, assessing eyes bored into Maryann. “I would never ask you to make such a choice. I’ve let him off. Let that be enough.” He dipped his mouth to her ear. “Should there be any consequences to my damn foolishness, you will let me know immediately.”
It took her precious seconds to understand, and her hands involuntarily settled on her stomach. Dear God. She had been so certain of every emotion brewing between them that she hadn’t even thought to worry when they made love.
“And if there are consequences?”
“Our child will have the protection of my name and love.”
“But I’ll have nothing,” she said, an aching knot in her throat, understanding his intentions. If necessary, they would marry, but only for the sake of their child and her reputation, but she must have no expectations of anything else—certainly not his love or respect.
Without glancing at Crispin, he said, “I leave your sister in your care; see her home safely and discreetly.”
Then he stepped back from her, turned on his heels, and walked away.
Maryann stood there, silent tears coursing down her cheeks. She would never see him smile again, touch him, or kiss him. She had never told him about the emotions he stirred in her heart.
She ran after him; he sensed her and slowed his steps. Upon reaching him, she hugged him from behind, pressing her face into his back. She squeezed tightly.