Nicolas took back her hands in his. “My father was the second to have failed Arianna.”
“And you believe you were the first to fail her. Do you think I would not understand your guilt?” she asked when he glanced away briefly. “Your father…what…” Her voice sounded so thick with tears she had to take a few moments and breathe. “The bleakness I see on your face stabs into my heart and catches like a hook.”
She rose, and shuffled so she sat in his lap, and Nicolas hugged her to him. Bloody hell, what would he have done without this woman?
“Father had not cared about what happened to her, not when those committing the crimes were future peers. The law serves only those powerful and connected.”
His Maryann held herself still under the weight of the awful truth. A young girl was driven to her death, and no one cared because she was poor. Her connections unimportant. Her worth miniscule.
“I’ve been swaddled in privilege and wealth since birth, I cannot imagine anything so terrible happening to me, and the cry for justice would not resound in the realm. I am glad you have not allowed them to escape justice.” She cupped his face between her hands and lifted his head from her bosom. “I feel no disgust with your actions. What I feel is admiration. At a time when other young gentlemen were either attending university or touring Europe for a jolly good time, you sought retribution for the girl you loved, by any means necessary.”
And Nicolas had dedicated years of his life to that endeavor—and by his own admission would give a lifetime more. Except what he wanted more than anything in the world was Maryann beside him, in his home and bed, today, tomorrow, and years from now.
How much longer can I wait? Can you wait?
“Why do you still cry?” he asked gruffly, chasing a tear on her cheek with his thumb.
“I cannot help thinking that this time, years ago, someone died, tragically. I do not have the heart to imagine how terrified and how utterly hopeless Arianna must have been. And the only person who cared about her demise was a boy of eighteen who loved her. There is honor in your vengeance,” Maryann said softly, pressing the softest of kisses to his lips.
Nicolas could not speak, not with the fierce and complex emotions burning through him. “Thank you for listening, Maryann.”
She rubbed her nose on his, almost playfully. “Thank you for sharing.”
“I would like to take you sailing,” he said. “To stand on the deck as the boat powers through the churning waters, the fine ocean spray wetting your skin, the wind behind your back. The sense of freedom and joy is one I would love for you to experience.”
A soft smile touched her mouth. “And I would love to accompany you, Nicolas.”
He gently nudged her chin. “It is time for me to take you home. I can smell the rain on the air.”
Chapter Nineteen
Nicolas sounded…lighter, and she was incredibly glad she had risked so much to be with him tonight. A fine misting rain began to fall, and she hurriedly repinned her hat and lowered her veil. They slowly descended and made their way inside. Nicolas collected a large black umbrella, and once they were outside he opened it above their heads. The rain fell in earnest, and she inhaled, loving the dark scent of the earth and the grass.
They did not speak, simply walked closely together under the umbrella. It felt intimate, remarkably wonderful, and Maryann was glad he had not called for a carriage to be prepared. The rain heavily fell on the wide umbrella, wetting her clothes despite the covering, yet Maryann wouldn’t trade this moment for a dry carriage and a warming pan.
The darkness of the night, broken by a few gas lamps here and there, the starless sky, and the fog hovering about the city appeared magical to her instead of ominous. A lone carriage rattled past them, and Nicolas caged her to his side, his gaze watchful and alert until it passed by.
She tugged off one of her gloves, immediately feeling the chill of the air against her bare hand. Then she pushed it out, collecting the cold drops in her palm, turning her hand to let the water caress against her knuckles.
“I’ve always loved the rain. I think I am the only one in my family who sighs with pleasure when I see the overcast sky or