Her Secret Santa - Miley Maine Page 0,28

way to describe it.

“Are you ok?” Tony asked me.

I realized it had been several seconds and I hadn’t responded. “Um, yeah. I’m fine.”

I stepped away from him and pretended to look at the camera to make sure it was off. The light was off. I knew the camera was no longer filming. I was overreacting but I was suddenly very nervous.

“You don’t seem fine. What’s wrong? You don’t love me back?” Tony asked.

There was no emotion in his voice. I knew he would not crumble or get emotional if I told him I didn’t love him. I could be honest. “It’s not that I don’t care about you, Tony. There have been times when I felt that I am falling in love with you, but this is just so fast. And hearing you say those words out loud… it made it all seem so damn real. And I’m not sure I am ready to go there.”

“Fine,” Tony said. “I’m not asking you to say it back. I’d only want to hear it from you if you meant it.”

“Thanks,” I said. “I’m sorry. I should have handled that better.”

Tony held my face in his hands and kissed me softly. “It’s fine.”

I heard the words, but I knew that what I’d done did hurt him.

And I hated myself for it.

9

Tony

I never should have said that to her.

The door to my office closed behind me with a loud thud and I locked the door. It had been a long day. I had meeting after meeting and though they’d all been scheduled, it seemed that between meetings the phone was ringing off the hook, the emails were growing by leaps and bounds, and people were coming to my office because of some new catastrophe going on. Fuck. When it rained it poured? I definitely understood that expression.

I hadn’t talked much to Julie the past three days. It wasn’t that we were trying to avoid each other, but I was giving her a bit of space. I saw her in passing in the hallway a few times, and we were cordial, but we were still keeping up the ruse that we were not dating. That wasn’t something I felt comfortable coming out with right now, especially when I now realized Julie wanted to take things much slower than I did.

What had made me say those words to her that night? Why? Why did I do it?

Because I meant those words. That was why I’d said them. I meant that I loved Julie. I did. And after we had that incredible sex and wonderful evening, I was pretty sure that she felt the same way I did. You couldn’t have sex like that without a strong emotional connection. It was necessary to feel that good physically with each other. At least it was for me. Maybe I’ve always been a bit wired wrong. I didn’t know.

I grabbed the glass from the cabinet and then a bottle of whiskey. Maybe I’d spend the afternoon alone getting sloshed. That was always fun. No. I had too much work to do. Besides, I hoped Julie and I could get together tonight. The past few nights she’d been busy. She was doing something with her friends last night and she was doing something with her parents the night before that. Or so she said. It was very odd that since I made that mistake that she was suddenly unavailable. Was my error that drastic? Did it make her rethink what we had and whether she even wanted to be with me?

Shit. Why did I have to tell her that? It was a mistake, but I knew I wasn’t sorry for the way I felt or the fact that I’d expressed those feelings. I cared deeply about this woman. I loved her with all my heart and soul. I knew that as much as I knew anything. I knew it because I had not loved anyone in so long. I thought I never would find love again and that I was no longer even capable of it. A few months ago, I truly thought that I would spend my life alone with my money and fame. That was all I really had.

And that was a hollow existence.

But then this amazing woman walked into my life just out of the blue. And we hit it off. And things grew more intense. And we fell in love so fast. But now I was finding out this love was only one sided.

But she said