administered a huge dose of morphine and killed her. She didn’t live ten more seconds.”
Susanna felt the breath go out of her. Her arm went around his back, until she had encircled him with both arms.
“Theodore Brown watched the whole thing. He just nodded and covered her face, because I couldn’t. Is it any wonder that he is still my hospital steward? Ted told me years later that if I hadn’t done that, he would have the next time I left her side. I know what a broken heart feels like.” Joe looked at her, as if gauging her heart. “No one knows that except you now, and Ted. Am I a monster?”
“A monster to save your wife one more second of excruciating agony?” she whispered to him. “Oh, no.”
He seemed to relax in her arms. “I wanted to tell you.”
“It must pain you to even speak of such tragedy.”
“It does,” he admitted. “Doctors can get inured to suffering. Husbands? Never.”
“I used to think no one could hurt worse than I do. How foolish I’ve been,” she told him. “I look at the Rattigans, and now Mrs. Hanrahan …”
“But now the Rattigans are happy.” Joe kissed her hair. “M’liss was carrying our child. Oh, damn … it’s still almost too much to talk about.” He collected himself. “I know you wanted to keep Maddie. In fact, Fifi told me that before Claudine died, she made her promise that the schoolteacher would have her daughter.”
“Joe, I wanted her with every fiber of my heart!” Susanna cried, unable to stop her tears at this news. They just held each other until her tears stopped.
“Every step I took toward the Rattigans with Maddie broke my heart,” Susanna said when she could speak.
“I thought it must have.” He kissed her hand. “I’m not sure I’m that brave.”
“But I did the right thing with Maddie,” she said finally.
“I know you did, but I have some idea what it cost you.” He shifted a little and she found herself on his lap. “Here’s what I am thinking. Whether it’s wise to tell you, I don’t know.”
“Let me judge.”
“Very well. I looked everywhere for Nick Martin after he went missing. Finally I went to his cubbyhole off the storage room again and took another look. He had obviously cleared out, but under his cot was one of the letters you wrote to Tommy.”
She considered the implication. “He has Tommy’s address!”
“Precisely. I didn’t say anything to you sooner, because it just seemed to be one more oddity about Nick. Now I’m wondering if he went back to Pennsylvania to retrieve your son, or maybe protect him.” He smiled at her. “Nick always was your champion.”
“You think Nick can even find Pennsylvania?”
“Hard to say.” Joe shrugged. “We know so little about Nick Martin.” He loosened his grip on her. “We’ll just have to wait and see. Up you get now. You’re going to dress and take that discreet route through the backyards.”
She had to know. “Do you think Nick set fire to my house?”
Another shrug. “We’ll have to wait and see.”
That was no answer to reassure a woman who had lost everything, and Joe knew it. His own heart drooped lower when he told Susanna she had probably better not risk returning to his quarters again. “You know the gossips here,” he reminded her.
The light went out of her eyes, but she nodded. “Emily and I had this discussion earlier,” she said. “She understands, but we can’t expect others to.” She dressed quietly and let herself out the back door.
He missed sick call that morning, but it hardly mattered, because Al was there. Guard mount came and went, and still he sat on the end of his barren bed, staring down at the photograph of Melissa that he had tucked away with his wedding ring. He put his ring on again, looked at it, then removed it and replaced it next to the photograph. He lay down again and stared at the ceiling, trying to fathom how a man in love with his wife reconciles taking another wife.
That he was lonely, he had no doubt, but he had been lonely before. He had been a young man when he’d courted and won Melissa in the middle of a war, when he had even less time than now. He had yearned for Melissa Rhoades with a passion that surprised him, but there she was, lovely in her wide-hooped dresses that swayed so sensually when she walked. There was no more