my hand on his chest, chancing a hope it was beating as fast as mine. It thumped even harder. “Another flaw of your kind.”
Something flickered in his eyes. “But not my worst one.” Preston dropped his head. Resting on my forehead, our skin melded, noses touched, and lips separated by a hair. Despite this, I got the feeling it wasn’t a romantic gesture, but a protective one.
“I had— have a cousin,” he began. “Darren. He’s two years older than me.”
Preston stopped. He was quiet for so long I thought that may be the end of the story.
Is Darren a secret Desai love child that no one is supposed to know about?
“Darren’s a bastard.”
So I was right.
“A seriously twisted little evil shit.”
I blinked. Okay. I don’t know where this is going at all.
“Once when he was eleven, his horse threw him. Darren ran back to the stable, got a shovel, and beat the damn animal so bad, he had to be put down.”
My stomach twisted in horror. “Oh my gosh,” I breathed.
“You have no idea, Belle. The things he’d do to me when we were alone. He tortured me.” Preston raised his head, nose skimming my bridge and forehead to rest his chin on my crown. I was certain now that he didn’t want me to see his expression. “Took sick pleasure in hurting me. He said if I had a problem with it, do something.
“So I did.”
“What?” I heard myself say.
Preston held me tighter, as though he was drawing strength from me to continue. “Darren has a peanut allergy. Everyone was warned to not let him touch the stuff,” he said. “One day Nanny left us alone to play, and I crushed the handful of peanuts I stole from the kitchen and mixed it into his snack.”
“What happened?”
“What do you think happened? He ran to get his EpiPen and found nothing. I had taken it.”
I swallowed hard. I had asked for a secret he never told anyone. He gave it to me.
“Darren collapsed on the carpet, choking and clutching his throat. I was ten. I swear I didn’t know he’d react that badly but... as he was lying there begging me to get help, I realized that he would die and I... could let him.”
“Preston.”
“The bastard would never hurt me again. All I had to do was wait.” Suddenly, his arms were gone. I stumbled in surprise, but Preston didn’t seem to notice. He sidestepped me, moving up the garden path, and leaving me the one chasing him. “At some point, he must’ve realized I wasn’t going to help him.”
Preston’s voice floated over his shoulder. “Darren stopped pleading and started crying. The first time I’d ever seen him do that. And it was then that it hit me what I’d been about to do. All of a sudden, he was real.”
I caught his hand and spun him to face me. “If this is the first time you’re saying this out loud, say it to me. You don’t have to worry that you’ll see judgment in my eyes. I’ve got too much for myself to spare for you.”
“Belle.”
“You saved him, Preston,” I whispered. “I know you did.”
Slowly, he nodded. “I did. I jabbed him with the pen, called for Nanny, and they rushed him to the hospital. He was fine. We never spoke about that day again and he stopped coming over.”
“Thank you for telling me.”
“Belle.” Preston pressed my fingers to his lips, dropping kisses on my pads. “That’s not the secret.”
I frowned. “What do you mean?”
“The secret is if he hadn’t cried, I would’ve let him die, Belle.” The confession seeped inside of me. “I didn’t know he’d have that bad of a reaction, but I was hoping for one all the same. I was willing to do anything to stop him.”
At that moment, I understood. Preston wasn’t hiding his face to mask the shame. He hid so I wouldn’t see that there wasn’t any. An emotion I could name, but never would, spread through my veins.
“There you are, Belle.” His breath ghosted my palm. “A secret that matters. Can you spare any judgment for me now?”
“No.” I tipped his chin, making him look me directly in the eye. “No one was coming to save you, Preston, so you had to save yourself. And from what I hear, the bastard got the hint quick.”
His eyes flashed. “You were right about that painting. It’s fucking terrible.”
Preston crushed our lips together, swallowing my gasp and plunging inside. I clung to him, giving