in my pocket, but I ignored it. “So you can get your stories straight or so he can be your mouthpiece?”
Her shoulders tensed, but she looked back at me. “The Ronan I knew was never cruel.”
“Then you didn’t know me.” The vibrating cell stopped, then started again.
“I knew the man who deferred enlisting so he could stay with me until I graduated high school. That man wasn’t cruel. He was protective.” Something close to regret flashed across her face, and her voice softened. “What happened to you in the Marines?”
Not giving her an inch, I threw it back on her. “What happened with Amherst?”
She stared.
I let her.
For a half a minute, I let her see every angry, depraved thought. I let her look at me without hiding the fucking knife carving out my chest every time I so much as smelled her. I let her see the real me.
Then I reined it all in.
Disgusted or frightened by what she saw, she shuddered. “Do you really want to know about Leo?”
“Will I have to kill him after I find out?”
Her perfect eyebrows drew together. “You were never purposefully violent.”
“You don’t know what I’m like when I fuck.”
Her eyes widened with shock, but she didn’t comment.
“You can get naked with my brother and let him leave bruises on you, but I can’t say the word ‘fuck’?” I was pushing her on purpose, because every second longer I stood in her presence, the truth became clear.
“It’s not the word I object to.” Her hands moved absently over her thighs, and she averted her gaze again. “It’s the act.”
“You think I don’t fuck?” I was never going to own this woman.
Her gaze hit my shoulders, and she took a steadying breath, but her hand went to her chest like she was trying to hold herself together. Not giving me eye contact, she answered. “I think I don’t want to think about it.”
The wind kicked up again, echoing the storm in my head, and suddenly I was over this bullshit conversation. Talking wasn’t going to fix the years between us. We were beyond that. “I think you do. I think you intentionally let yourself get roughed up by Vance. I think you wanted me to know exactly what you’ve been doing, and I think you knew the second you read the first note that it was Abernathy. The only question is why Trefor or Vance hasn’t caught him yet.”
“Do you…?” She rubbed her chest before her hand moved to her throat. “Do you have a girlfriend?”
Now she was asking? “No.”
I could have elaborated. I could’ve given her the truth that I hadn’t allowed myself to feel anything for anyone since her. I could’ve ended this whole fucking charade right then, but I didn’t. In my fucked-up head, she was still the shy, innocent beauty of a girl who’d moved in next door when we were teens. I would always see that girl. But I’d be a fool to ignore the fact she sold out concerts, made more money than I’d ever see, and she was a household name.
I couldn’t compete with that.
Nothing I could offer her would compare to what she’d given herself. Which stupidly only made me want to put my hands on her more.
Fantasizing about my palm over hers and my fingers on her jaw, I forced myself to stick to the script. I was here to protect her. Find this asshole. Take him down. For that, I needed more information. “Have you seen Abernathy at any point?”
“No.” She shook her head once, but she still wouldn’t look at me. “We can’t find him.” Strain pulled her eyebrows together. “Are you married?”
Not giving her a direct answer, I tested her. “Do you see a ring on my hand?”
Exactly as I thought would happen, her gaze shot to my left hand, but it was still in my pocket. Now she had a choice.
Staring for a beat, she inhaled. Then she looked away. “You did that on purpose.”
“Yes, I did.” But she didn’t ask to see my hand or push the question.
She gave a brief shake of her head, and her long dark hair moved in waves across her back. “You always wanted to control me, control my movements, my thoughts.”
“No, I wanted to own you,” I corrected. And I wanted her participation in that as much as I wanted to dominate her sexually.
“Wanted.” She snorted out in exasperation. “But now you don’t?”
I didn’t respond.
I waited.
Controlled, still, my breathing even, I feigned a patience I