Heartbeat Repeating - E.M. Lindsey Page 0,61

soap to clean up his stomach. The semen doesn’t come off easy, almost thinks of it like a metaphor—how his body doesn’t want to give up these bits of Avery, the same way his heart is clinging. He forces himself to look up in the mirror, and he’s the same man as he’s always been, which is oddly profound. He feels rearranged, and it’s almost startling to see the same aging man staring back at him.

Pushing those thoughts aside, he refreshes the cloth then steps back into the bedroom to find Avery lying there with an arm flung over his eyes. He’s spread eagle and still a little flushed, but Alejandro can tell he’s not sleeping.

He sits on the edge of the bed, and Avery makes a pleased hum as he gets to work on him. He starts at his thighs then swipes between his ass cheeks. He takes his time with the hair below his navel, trying not to pull, and he sees Avery’s mouth curve up into a grin.

“This is nice,” he says.

“This is courtesy,” Alejandro shoots back. “Your other lovers must have been rubbish.”

Avery snorts and peers at him. “My other lovers were quick hook-ups in the back seats of cars or the supply closet at the movies. I didn’t do boyfriends.”

Didn’t. Alejandro hears the word as it was meant to be heard, but he doesn’t draw attention to it yet. But there’s hope, hanging by a delicate thread between them.

When Alejandro’s satisfied, he throws the cloth into the linen basket then climbs under the sheets. The wet spot is on the duvet, and he’s glad for it, because he’s quickly losing steam, but he knows it would keep him up if he could feel it. He breathes a little deeper when Avery rolls toward him and tucks a leg between his thighs, and his mouth feels soft and almost like it’s smiling when warm lips press a kiss to the side of his neck.

“Can I ask you something?”

Alejandro hums and drags fingers through Avery’s wavy hair. “Anything.” And he’s surprised by just how much he means that.

“Am I a good sugar baby?”

Alejandro’s surprised by the question, and he pulls back, tipping Avery’s face up by the chin. “I think so. I don’t have anything to base a comparison on, but I…enjoyed you.”

Avery blinks at him, looking startled. “I’m your first?”

Unable to stop a small, huffing laugh, Alejandro shrugs one shoulder. “Do I seem like the sort of man who has done this a lot?”

Biting his lip, Avery’s eyes glance away. “I didn’t know you well enough to even begin to guess. I thought maybe,” but he stops, and Alejandro rewards the bravery of his honest words with a slow kiss.

“I don’t have a lot of experience, but I think you were perfect.”

Avery’s smile turns wry. “The whole time? Even when you were missing out on all the good benefits—you know, like regular orgasms?”

Alejandro knows he can lean into the joke, but he doesn’t want to. Avery’s words are telling him he’s vulnerable, and Alejandro isn’t going to make him suffer for it. “I wasn’t ready before, and I know that was cruel to you…”

“No,” Avery says, a little breathy. “I’m sorry, God, that was in such bad taste. If I’d known,” Avery adds, very softly, but he doesn’t finish his sentence. He doesn’t need to, though. Avery is rough around the edges but one of the kindest people Alejandro has ever known, and the fact that so many people miss that about him simply because he doesn’t perform to status quo, makes him quietly furious.

He drags a touch down Avery’s jaw. “You’re perfect,” he says again.

Avery shuts his eyes against the words, like he’s not sure he can handle them. His tongue darts out, a glint of silver as it touches his lip. “I know this is complicated,” he says after a beat. “All good things come to an end, yadda yadda. I didn’t walk into this with some Prince Charming fantasy, but…”

Alejandro waits. He knows what he’s asking, but he waits.

“Do you think later…after all this…we can talk?”

He cradles Avery’s face with all the tender touch he’s deserved for so long, and then he kisses him. It’s slow, it’s sweet. It betrays his heart, but he doesn’t care. “After we get some rest,” he says in a soft whisper, “we can talk.”

15

It’s Only A Fantasy

Avery wakes alone in the morning, more sore than he was when Alejandro attempted to wreck him the first time, but