Heartbeat Repeating - E.M. Lindsey Page 0,59

like the contract Avery had signed, only this one is the period to their sentence. It ends this thing between them, because regardless of what will happen in the future between them, he needs it to be free of this contract, because he won’t be able to trust that Avery really wants him if it’s still hanging over their heads. And he needs Avery to know that what he feels has nothing to do with a signature on a page.

He has to balance the power somehow, and this is his only option.

Anxiety ripples up his spine, and he drums his fingers on the desk. One two three…tap tap tap.

When he can breathe a little easier, he hits print then stacks them on the edge of his desk for Avery to read over. It’s a terrifying thought, knowing with a swoop of a signature he could lose everything, but the thought in his head repeats again and again. He’s worth the risk of losing it all.

He loves Avery. He’s known for a while, but this is different than quietly acknowledging the burning simmer living in his gut. He loves him, and because he loves him, he’s willing to burn it all down and hold his breath to see if something survives and rises from the ashes.

He closes his eyes against the what-ifs.

This could have been him with Connor, if a love this profound had existed between them. But his marriage was always simple and too easy. The convenience of him was distracting, and the way he loved Gabrielle was eclipsing. He didn’t realize he loved things about Connor, but not the man himself. He feels a sudden compulsion to apologize—to tell him he was wrong. That so much of it was his own fault for not seeing past his own nose.

He wants closure, because he knows that the hurt from losing Gabrielle will always be a big part of the person he’s become, but what’s holding him back is fear that he’s going to make the same mistake twice. He knows loving Connor wrong didn’t kill their daughter.

Cancer did.

A fluke in her genes that consumed her life before it ever really got started.

That fluke created black holes, stopping time and rearranging matter, but he’s done living on the event horizon. He’s ready to move through it and see what reality exists on the other side. He picks up his phone and sends a text, knowing this is something very final.

Alejandro: We need to talk. Will you call me tomorrow?

There’s no answer, but he doesn’t expect one. Connor will eventually call, and Alejandro can say the things he needs to say, and then he can breathe a little easier when he looks into Avery’s eyes and confesses a truth he’s been holding in to for far too long.

He loves him. He wants him. He wants to make a proper go of this. He just…needs a chance to prove to Avery that he can be good for him.

He leaves his phone in the office and goes back to bed. Avery’s now somewhere between sleep and awake, sprawled out with his arms up and his eyes half-lidded. His lips curl into a tired smile as Alejandro lays a knee on the bed, and he drags a hand down the center of Avery’s chest.

“Did these hurt?” he asks, thumbing a nipple ring.

Avery’s laugh is thick with sleep, and he grunts as he arches his back in a stretch. “Yes.” The word is soft and breathy as he rolls on his side then groans and squirms like he just remembered he’s still stuffed with the plug. His hand drifts back to touch, and Alejandro feels himself start to stiffen. “Someone told me they had an instant orgasm when they got their nipples done, but I’m convinced that was a fucking lie because it was the worst piercing I’ve ever had.”

“Worse than this?” Alejandro asks and gently urges Avery’s mouth open. His tongue flicks out, and the barbell drags along Alejandro’s finger.

“Way worse,” he says when Alejandro pulls his finger back. “This hurt for a few days, but all I had to do was survive on tepid soup and Listerine. With these, I couldn’t stand anything against my nipples for like four months.” His hand drifts, and he flicks one, and Alejandro’s dick jumps. “It’s better now.”

He leans in to taste it, to feel the metal against his tongue. He kisses along his collarbone then sucks at the base of his throat. He leaves behind the smallest