Heartbeat Repeating - E.M. Lindsey Page 0,50

entirely, and we don’t really know why. But these people—the Dorians—came down from the north and restructured what was left of their culture and language and their gods. Eventually they became what everyone else calls the Ancient Greeks.” He smiles softly like he’s not talking about entire cultures being ripped apart.

Alejandro can’t even begin to wrap his head around what that might be like. He’s not used to being conquered. He’s used to loss, but he’s cursed with never being able to forget.

“Anyway, Chanukah is the story of survival, no matter which way you tell it,” Avery says after a beat, and he turns his attention back to the chanukiah. “And I really do like the miracle part. It’s a metaphor for perseverance, even when the very core of you is being stripped away against your will. You stay alive…you keep going. You keep burning. Even when someone tells you there’s nothing left to burn, you stay alight.”

Alejandro desperately wants to touch him then, to draw him close and kiss him, but he doesn’t. Not yet. But in this moment, he knows the truth—he will. “That’s why you like both,” he says after a moment.”

Avery smiles. “That’s why I like both.”

12

Giving In

Alejandro needs some space, so he locks himself in his office under the guise of working while Avery putters around the house and digs into things. It should terrify him, but it’s not like much about Alejandro is hidden. In the beginning, he asked Avery not to dig into his past, but he highly doubts the man actually listened to him. Why would he, when the information is right there online, and Alejandro has spent an entire year not giving him anything.

So, he’ll find evidence of his old life. He’s got a couple family photos from when he was a kid, and all of Gabrielle’s scribbles and handprints from pre-school. There’s even a wedding photo somewhere because his parents, brother, and sister were all there and he couldn’t bring himself to let that go.

He likes looking at that one sometimes. He was still very much himself, but he was younger and there wasn’t grief in his eyes. Connor looks happy too, smiling at him, squinting from the sun. They’re holding hands in it, and Alejandro was leaning into his new husband.

It was…nice. It was just a moment, but it was a good one, and he likes to be reminded that once upon a time life was more pleasure than pain.

Closing his laptop, he sits back and stares at the way the sun from the window makes patterns on his desk. The outside is grim with fat grey clouds closing in that will probably hold snow in the next few weeks. It makes him want to wrap up in a scarf and take a long walk and let the chill in the air burn the tips of his ears.

He wonders if Avery likes that sort of thing. He hates that he doesn’t know. He hates that Avery talked and talked about everything but never shared pieces of himself. It’s an unkind thought, though. He certainly never deserved a deeper look into the man Avery is, but he’s selfish that way, and he wants to know him.

With a sigh, he pushes himself up, and as he opens the door, he smells something cooking and realizes Garrett must be getting started. He normally leaves him alone, but he’s halfway down the hall when he hears laughter, and he knows instantly that it’s Avery’s. It shouldn’t surprise him that the younger man has made himself at home with his chef, but something hot and angry bubbles to life because how dare anyone else get Avery’s laughs.

He feels mean and greedy as he comes around the corner, and he takes a little bit of joy in the way Avery’s eyes go wide, and Garrett looks a little bit uncomfortable. He’s a married man, a quiet, disembodied voice tells him. He’s being polite, and Avery is likable. You’re being an arse.

The voice sounds suspiciously like Connor’s, and he hates that his ex still holds real estate in his head, even when it is for his own good. His gaze flickers around the room, and he counts blue objects to calm himself down. A book, a tile, a mug. He stops himself before he starts making bargains with it—one more blue item and Avery might love me…

“Your chef is bad-ass,” Avery says as Alejandro comes to a stop by the counter, and he hears Garrett laugh