Haven 4 AVOW - Sandra R Neeley Page 0,57

the pain stops. But if it can help us have children, I’ll do it every damn day,” Synclare said.

“Is Lo'San supportive?” Vivian asked.

“Oh, yes! He’s wonderful. Even when I tell him he doesn’t have to attend the treatments, he shows up every single time. And when the pain gets so intense I can’t even think, he prepares my medication and makes sure I take it so I can sleep through most of the pain.” Synclare sat there drinking her coffee and let her thoughts tumble out of her mouth. “I wonder sometimes if my past is catching up with me.”

“What do you mean?” Vivian asked.

“It’s no secret. I’ve not hidden it from anyone. I put more chemicals into my body than anyone has a right to. And I can’t help but wonder if maybe I poisoned my body. Maybe I’ve not produced the ovum Doc needs to harvest to provide Lo'San and me with children, because I damaged myself somehow. Maybe this is my punishment for living my life as I did on Earth,” Synclare said. “That added to my age and the fact that I’m just about past child bearing age doesn’t look good for us.”

“Synclare, that’s not the case. You are not the only woman who’s ever dabbled in recreational drug use. Using drugs when you’re young doesn't preclude your having children later in life. And you weren’t doing it because you wanted to party, you were dealing with the loneliness and the fact that everyone in your life wanted nothing but your money! I think that earns you a pass. And the age thing… these healers are phenomenal with the things they can do. Just give it a bit longer and it’ll be fine.”

“Dabbled?” Synclare asked. “I used them to forget who I was, I used them to be able to sleep at night, and I used them to wake up in the morning. I can’t remember a day that I made it the whole twenty-four hours sober. Now, of course, I was the perfect debutante socialite — no one ever knew. And it is what it is, I can’t go back and undo it. But, I can’t help wondering if that’s why I’m not responding to the fertility treatment. That and the fact that my body just won’t produce what it can no longer make.”

“Synclare…” Vivian said, preparing to try to talk some sense into her.

“It’s fine, Vivian. I’m sorry for unloading on you. I’m sure I’m just feeling sorry for myself. I have another appointment today and I’m not looking forward to delivering myself to Doc knowing I’ll be suffering until at least tomorrow. Seems like the side effects are getting stronger with each treatment I undergo, which means the medication he gives me to counteract the pain and the nausea are stronger each time as well.”

“And the hormones could explain the emotional unbalance, and the fatigue, too. Don’t take all this on you. You’re going through a lot right now, and meeting new family, and adjusting to being newly mated. I’m sure it will all be fine,” Vivian encouraged.

Synclare nodded and drank her coffee. “You’re probably right.” Synclare’s gaze wandered over to the large guards standing on either side of Vivian. One was Rel, the other was fully uniformed and helmeted. “Expecting trouble, or got a new guard?” Synclare asked.

Vivian’s brows scrunched down and she turned to follow Synclare’s gaze. “Oh, yeah, no. That’s Zahn. For some reason he now insists on wearing his battle helmet, you know, like he wasn’t scary enough already now he’s got no visible face!” Vivian said, feigning excitement.

“I am simply attempting to be more focused on my duties, Sirena,” Zahn responded patiently.

“And that needs a battle helmet?” Vivian asked.

“It can,” he answered.

“Or maybe you just don’t want to be seen,” Rel mumbled.

Zahn used his thumb to lift the front of the helmet and glared at Rel. “You feel the need to add to the conversation?” he demanded.

Rel slowly shook his head as he stared straight ahead with a smirk. “Not me,” he answered.

Zahn allowed his eyes to scan the commissary quickly before dropping his helmet back in place.

Vivian watched them, surprise on her face as they picked at each other. She turned back to Synclare as she spoke. “Never a dull moment around here, I’ll tell you that.” She realized that Synclare was watching Zahn with a slight smile on her face. “You know something I don’t?” she asked.

Synclare pulled her attention from Zahn and looked at Vivian.