people against me—she was straight up telling people they weren’t allowed to talk to me.
Because she wanted me to feel isolated.
Jin laughs easily, like he’s incapable of feeling cornered. “Maggie’s had her fun for long enough. Besides, I don’t take orders from her.” He looks at me seriously. “It wasn’t personal. Some of us just don’t like to get too attached to the feeder fish.”
I frown, but Vivien leans in with an explanation. “He’s talking about the people who turn up thinking the circus is going to be some kind of magical party, and then get eaten alive by reality a few weeks later.”
“In other words, he’s being rude.” Dexi scowls.
“No,” Jin says. “I’m being honest. Are you two seriously going to tell me Harley didn’t scream of wide-eyed naivete when she first turned up?” He flattens a hand on the table. “But everyone gets things wrong sometimes, and in this case, I was very wrong. I’m sorry for assuming you didn’t have it in you.” His words morph into laughter. “I hear you’ve been training every night in the big top. Sometimes until almost midnight. You’re a fighter, which is a good thing to be around here.”
My stomach twists up and over and under, like taffy being pulled apart and pushed together again. “Did Vas tell you that?” For weeks it’s felt like our untouchable secret. I’m not sure I like our late-night rehearsals being common knowledge.
“Vas? Not a chance. I’ve known that guy for years, and believe me when I say he has as many secrets as a cat has lives.” Jin shovels a bite of food into his mouth.
“So he has nine secrets? That’s… oddly specific,” Dexi says blankly. When Jin looks confused, she sighs. “Never mind.”
Jin shakes his head while he chews, looking at me. “No, I heard it from the many little birds who’ve seen you walking from the big top to your trailer at all hours of the night.”
“Wait”—Vivien stiffens, hazel eyes pinned to mine—“are you and Vas hooking up?”
My cheeks blossom carnation-pink at the suggestion, words wanting to come out in rapid fire but getting all mixed up on the tip of my tongue.
It’s not true. Of course it’s not true.
So why is it so hard for me to say the words?
Jin’s laugh breaks apart my tangled thoughts like a sword slashing through a web of vines. “The only thing he’s in love with is his violin.” He leans into Dexi. “And I know you’re about to make a joke about him not being interested in me, and me being bitter, but I’m telling you—he spends all of his time with his music. And I’ve seen plenty of girls try to flirt with him over the years, and they don’t have any more luck than I do.”
“He’s right,” I say, the words almost tart. “There’s nothing going on between me and Vas. We spend the entire time practicing, separately. We don’t say a word to each other.” When everyone makes a face like they don’t believe me, I add, “I’m serious. He says he doesn’t like small talk.”
Dexi laughs in disbelief. Jin looks sideways, like he’s saying, I told you so.
Vivien frowns, leaning her brown cheek onto her palm the way Popo always urged me not to. Not that Vivien needs to worry. Her complexion is flawless. It’s kind of unfair. “If you needed someone to train with, why didn’t you ask one of us?” She motions between her and Dexi.
I shrug. “I didn’t want to bother you. I mean, you were the only two people who would talk to me. The last thing I wanted to do was make you feel like I was using you for something.”
“That’s very noble,” Jin says, swallowing another mouthful of curry.
“It’s the Hufflepuff,” Vivien whispers, winking at me.
Dexi raises a brow, her lip quirking up like she’s almost smiling. “You keep doing what you’re doing, and the rest of the troupe will come around. You’ll see.”
Vivien nods enthusiastically.
And I want to believe them, because belonging is so very important to me, but I also know they’re wrong. Because “the rest of the troupe” means everyone. Even Maggie.
I’m not sure there’s anything I can do to make Maggie like me. And after the welcome she gave me over the last few weeks, I’m not sure I want her to, anyway.