Hard Checked (Ice Kings #4) - Stacey Lynn Page 0,90

want to go back, Mads.”

She flinches like I’ve stabbed her, curls her hand wearing my wedding ring into her other hand and squeezes tight.

“But I’m better. And it was a mistake. All of it was such a mistake. I was sick and not thinking clearly, and I think now, I’m getting better and I have help and know I need it.”

“And it’s killing me to sit across from you unable to give you what you want when I spent so many years trying to give you everything I wanted. I loved you, but I can’t do this.”

“Loved?” Her face pales and her eyes widen.

It takes me a moment to realize what’s hurt her so much. And that’s when it all comes clear.

I loved her. And it’s not because I’ve fallen out of love with her that makes me want to end this… it’s because I’m falling in love with Gigi.

Because she gets me in a way others don’t. Because she lets me talk and she listens and she only offers advice if she thinks it’s worthwhile. Because she follows her dreams and can take care of herself but she lets me do it when I need to. I’m falling in love with Gigi. She might not be everything the boy I used to be thought he wanted, but because she’s everything the man I am today wants and desires—her passion, her humor, her excitement for life and hope for the future and her confidence.

All of it calls to me. Pulls me to her.

“I’m sorry this is hurting you. I really am. If you’re getting help and finding your happiness that’s all I’ve ever wanted for you, but I don’t think… no, I’m sorry, I’ve always been honest with you. I can’t give you this.”

“But Seb—”

“I’ve met someone.” And God, the pain was bad before but now tears instantly swell in her eyes and she gasps such a wretched sound I hurt from it. “I’m not trying to hurt you, swear to you, Mads, you know I don’t want that, but if you came here to be honest, I need to be too. I’ve met someone, and she’s special to me.”

Pretty sure I’m in love with her and not because of the baby. Because Gigi is life and happiness and hope and new beginnings, and goddamn, I want to call her and tell her.

There’s no point in mentioning Gigi or the baby. I won’t hurt Madison unnecessarily.

I lean onto the table, pressing my forearms to the table top, careful to keep my hands from hers. As much as I’d love to hold her hand and promise her things will get better, I won’t.

“I’m glad you’ve been working on your health and you’re getting the help you need, but I’ve been working on me, too, because I didn’t have a choice, and I’ve moved on.”

She sobs and months ago I would have vaulted over the table to wipe away her tears and promise I’d never do anything to make her cry again. But I can’t. It’s not my place anymore.

“This was stupid of me, wasn’t it?” She pushes tears away and her chin wobbles when she asks.

“It wasn’t stupid.” It was just three months too late. “I’m sorry for hurting you. I really am.”

She blinks away more tears and I finally hand out the cloth napkin that’s been folded around silverware near me. She takes it from me and I relax on my bench.

“This is goodbye then, isn’t it?”

Goodbye was when she told me that standing in her parents’ basement when she looked a wreck. At least physically she’s back to her vibrant, healthy self. I hope the therapy continues.

“I think it has to be.”

She sniffs. Looks over my shoulder, still uncertain. “Can I get a hug goodbye then?”

“Anytime.” This I can do. At least this ending is more pleasant than the last one and maybe I need this too. To know she’s okay. That we can be divorced and possibly, someday, when I’m back in Minnesota and our families run into each other, it can be pleasant.

I slide out of the bench and then, for the first time in months, I hold out my hand to Madison. She places her palm in mine, smiling sadly at my soft touch.

I feel nothing but fondness for the woman I loved when I hold her. When I pull her into my arms and press her gently to me, not tightly, not romantically. I hug her like I’d hug my mom or my sisters or