The Happy Ever After Playlist - Abby Jimenez Page 0,98

tried to steady my breathing. “So you’re just what? Not going to have kids with me?”

“I didn’t say that,” she said carefully. “I just said I wouldn’t do it right now. It’s not practical.”

“Sloan, this is the best I can do. I can’t change it.”

“I know. But that means you have to be realistic about what you can have—what we can have—until this situation improves. Lots of couples put off having kids while they focus on their careers. It’s fine.”

But it wasn’t fine. Not to me and not to her either, no matter what the hell she said to try to make me feel better about it.

The background music from the opening band came to an end. We both heard it. Zane handed me my Red Bull and held up a hand, letting me know I was on in three minutes.

Sloan’s voice softened. “Look, you have to go on. Let’s talk about this later, okay? You don’t need to be worked up about this before your show.”

I put my fingers on my temples. “Sloan—”

“Call me tonight, Jason. I love you.”

The line went dead.

I set my phone on my leg and put palms to my eyelids.

This separation was killing me. I was fucking unraveling out here. I couldn’t keep doing this.

It was nothing like it had been when we met. Talking on the phone wasn’t enough anymore, and at the rate she was going with her work, I doubted she’d even be able to meet me in Paris. And now this? How many more things was she going to have to give up?

I dragged myself onstage and went through the motions, but I couldn’t stop thinking about our conversation.

I took a quick break halfway through my set and called her.

“Hey,” she said, picking up.

“I need to know you’ll do whatever it takes for us to have a life together,” I said without preamble.

“You want me to tell you I’ll be pregnant and dragging after you like a groupie while you go be a rock star?” she said, finally irritated with me. “Really? Why are you so dead set on arguing about this?”

“Why are you so dead set on making sure this won’t work? I’m a musician, Sloan. You knew this was what you were signing up for.”

“I signed up for touring with you. Me. Not babies who will grow up in hotel rooms. Not little children who won’t even be able to play unless it’s in a bus. It’s not fair to them. I wouldn’t even bring a puppy into this. Not until you have some balance.”

“I would have balance if you were here,” I said through gritted teeth.

“I can’t be your balance, Jason. I’m not doing it, I’m not further reducing the quality of my life just so you can check something off your list,” she snapped.

“Sloan—”

She let out a shaky breath. “Jason, I have to go.”

She hung up on me.

I hurled my phone against the wall.

Zane, who stood by the emergency exit texting, got pelted with shrapnel. “You know I’m not going to be able to replace that until tomorrow, right?” she said calmly.

“Fuuuuck!”

I clawed my fingers down my face and then turned my wrath on the nearest inanimate object and kicked over a fog machine. “No more goddamn motherfucking fog!”

My backup band milled around the water fountain, waiting for me, and they looked at me now like I’d lost my damn mind.

Maybe I had.

I yanked out my in-ear monitor and stormed off to the bathroom to splash water on my face. I leaned on the sink, trying to catch my breath.

So now what? The price for being with me had gone even higher? She had to trail after me for years on end, sick and exhausted, missing her friends and family, not painting, and now I was taking motherhood from her too?

I just wanted her to tell me that all of this was all right. That we’d figure it out. Get through it, do whatever we had to do. And she wouldn’t.

And why the fuck would she? None of this was all right.

Zane came in. She didn’t scatter after my rampage, which made me think either she didn’t have any self-preservation instincts or she thought raging, chronically exhausted, asshole rock stars were par for the course.

Fuck, maybe they were.

“Can you send Sloan some flowers?” I muttered, without looking up.

“You know what I bet Sloan would really like?” she asked. “For you to not be a dick.”

I looked up and glared at her. She had her arms crossed over