Hannah's Hero - Ruby Dixon Page 0,40
so angry that I went off to join the hunter’s challenge. She could not go because she had just hurt her ankle a few days before. Her mother was the healer and did not want her joining that season’s games. There would be next season, after all.” His expression grows distant. “And then the Great Smoking Mountain attacked and all of my tribe was gone. V’shari was gone, and there were no females left except I’chai, the daughter of my mother’s sister. I would not resonate with her, not ever, because we are kin. So in one day, I lost everything as well. So yes, I understand.”
His eyes are kind and full of sympathy, and they just make me feel worse. “You lost everyone,” I whisper. “Mine was just a book.”
“But it was everything to you.”
“You’re being far too understanding.”
A hint of a smile curves his mouth. “Am I supposed to be angry at you, then? For wanting something different than what the spirits have given us?”
“I just…haven’t been very nice to you at times.” I chew on my lip. “I’ve run away a lot. And I feel like a real jerk when you’re being super nice to me like this.”
He chuckles. “There is that jerk word again.”
“It means I’m mean.”
“You are not mean. You are just determined.” He nudges me with a finger, poking my shoulder. “This story of yours, this book. What was it called?”
“In Search of a Hero.”
“Tell me what it was about.”
I sigh. “It’s women’s fiction. It’s about this woman who hits the age of thirty and realizes she’s alone. So she goes on all these weird and funny adventures trying to get to know men, only to end up with her cranky neighbor, who’s been right there all along.”
“He is her hero?”
“Yeah.”
“I should like to be your hero.”
My skin prickles in awareness at his nearness, at the husky whisper of his words. It feels so intimate to have this conversation face to face, inches away from each other. “I’m not sure you want that job.”
“I am sure. Just give me a chance.”
I’m all flustered at the certainty in his low voice, the intensity in his gaze. It’s like the conversation’s taken another turn that I wasn’t ready for. “Isn’t that what we’re doing here?” I ask, trying to be playful.
J’shel reaches out and traces a finger along my jaw. “Is this my chance, then? To be your hero and win you?”
I shiver against his touch. I should push his finger away, should push all of him away. It’s far too intimate a touch for friends. It implies that I’m going to allow other things at some point, and I’m torn between shoving him away and flinging myself into his arms. “I’m not sure I can, J’shel.”
“Because of your book and everything that waits for you at home,” he says, still tracing my face with light, feathery touches. When I nod, he continues. “Explain to me how you will get home, then.”
I lick my lips, uncertain if he’s teasing me. He looks serious, though. “I haven’t figured that part out yet. Something’s bound to come up, though.” When he nods slowly, his gaze locked on me, I feel…silly. “Listen, you’re a nice guy and really great, but I can’t have a baby here and then leave. It’s not you. It’s me.”
“It sounds as if it is me, because you do not want to stay enough to be with me.”
I bite my lip. “J’shel…”
“It is all right, H’nah.” He caresses my cheek again, his touch achingly soft. His thumb skims along my chin, so close to my lips that I want to turn and press my face against his palm. I want him to touch my mouth. I want to do a thousand things that don’t have anything to do with my master plan of “going home” somehow. “I will not force you to change your mind.”
His words—so understanding—hurt almost as much as it does when his hand drops away and he returns to lying on his back, gazing up at the ceiling. He’s giving me space.
I hate it. I don’t want space in this moment. I want him to touch me again, and I don’t know if it’s my cootie that’s deciding that or Hannah that’s deciding that, and I hate all of it.
I feel like the world’s biggest jerk because he’s been nothing but nice and sexy—god, so sexy—and here I am being a dick. “J’shel,” I whisper again. He doesn’t turn to look at