were not allowed. All I want is for you to be happy, H’nah. It was not meant to hurt you.”
Her pink mouth trembles a little, and she nods.
Perhaps when she is not so angry at me she will tell me what words are allowed. For now, I will simply wait.
“I’m sorry,” H’nah says, putting a palm to her forehead as if it pains her. “I’m not trying to be difficult.”
“You are not?” I ask gently, adding a teasing note in my voice.
H’nah looks up at me, startled. For the first time, she smiles in my direction…and her cheeks have strange, adorable little indentions in them. I am entranced at the sight, and I vow to see them more often. I must find ways to make her smile.
N’dek yanks on my braid again and I realize I am staring at H’nah like a besotted fool. I do not care. I am too happy she is speaking to me. That we have come to a truce of sorts, her and I.
“I’m just…really unhappy here lately,” H’nah admits after a moment. She bites her lip and studies me, then continues. “Everyone’s pissed at me and I need to get away. Not for forever, just for a few days. Just long enough to let things quiet down and everyone can forget that I like to count things and take tallies. Brooke and Taushen are leaving for a few days, going to some sort of fruit cave, and they said I could go as long as I bring a companion. Someone that can help me hunt and keep up with them, you know? I’ve been asking the other guys if they’ll go with me and I can give them insights on the other women, but I must be more of a jerk than I originally thought because no one will even consider it.”
It is because they know she is mine, and they will not show any interest—even friendly interest—in a claimed female. I am secretly pleased, even if I know she is frustrated. “I see.”
She glances at N’dek, who still hangs onto my shoulders, and then looks at me. Her eyes brighten. “Will you…go with me? Just as a friend? We can talk about our situation.”
Go with her? Away from the camp, just the two of us? She looks at me hopefully, and my body stirs, full of longing. Go away as friends? I choose to ignore that part…and the part where she asked me last of all the men in the tribe.
If I go away with her, I have a chance to talk to her. To touch her. To win her. I know I can.
N’dek shifts his weight on my back, and then I remember.
N’dek.
I cannot leave for days on end. N’dek needs me. It is my fault he is in this situation, and so I must help him out. The realization is a frustrating one.
“I cannot go,” I tell H’nah softly. “I am needed here.”
Her face, so full of hope, falls. “Of course. Sorry I asked.” She gives me another smile, but this one has no indentions, and walks away.
I watch as she leaves, my heart heavy. I hate that I have disappointed her. She has only ever asked me for one thing, and I have said no. That does not sit well with me. With a sigh, I turn toward the fire in the distance.
“You are an idiot,” N’dek says flatly.
I clench my jaw.
“Why did you say no? You have been moping for days upon days that H’nah will not speak to you. That H’nah ignores you and pretends you do not resonate. Now she asks you to go away with her and you refuse?” He slaps the side of my head and my ear rings. “Why did you say no?”
I push his hand away. I am trying to be patient with N’dek, but it is difficult. “And if I am gone, who will carry you when you need to go to the fire? Who will carry you back to your furs? Who will carry you anywhere?”
“Does it matter?” His voice in my ear is bitter. “I will be some else’s burden. All I know is that if you wish to mate with H’nah, you will never do so at this rate.”
I storm toward the fire, his weight on my back irritating and unwelcome.
“Perhaps I will ask to talk to A’tam,” N’dek says. “I will tell him to snatch up what you have discarded.”