managed to do was give him a wonky smile, mostly because I didn’t know how to answer him.
Nah, I just didn’t want to answer him.
The easygoing man who had just been smiling at me minutes ago raised those tawny eyebrows, his expression wary, voice careful, trying to sound easygoing but just… not. “Why’s that?”
I scratched at my temple, hoping to play this off. “Because we hadn’t talked in ten years?”
God, I was the worst.
But what did he want me to say? Did he want to pretend the past hadn’t happened? Did he want to pretend he hadn’t ignored my texts for nearly two years until I’d given up?
And why was I starting to sweat?
I thought I was over this. I just thought we were both going to move forward from the past and pretend it hadn’t happened. That had been fine with me. Better than fine with me. It was easy.
Zac’s eyes narrowed. “I’ve known you since you were three, Peewee. Your cousin’s the closest thing I’ve got to a brother,” he stated steadily like I didn’t know all of this. “Why wouldn’t he tell me we were in the same city?”
Because you hadn’t asked about me in forever. Because you hurt me when I was seventeen and forgot about me. But mostly, because he knew I didn’t want to see you, and maybe Boogie loves us both, but he loves me more.
But I swallowed my words, swallowed my heart, and figured I was an adult and had nothing to hide. I knew how things had gone, and if he wanted to bring this up? Well, he was a grown man too, and we could both take responsibility for our actions.
“I didn’t want to bother you after so long.”
So long. Nearly a decade ago, and didn’t that freaking still sting no matter how much I told myself that it didn’t? I didn’t want to do this. Didn’t want to talk about this.
But Zac wasn’t on the same page. “Bother me?” he asked slowly.
“You’re busy.”
His eyes narrowed. “Bother me, Bianca?”
Did he have to say it like that? And did he really want to do this? With that tone and that expression and everything?
“You’re serious?” he asked like he could read my freaking mind.
Okay, apparently he did want to do this. All right. “Yes, bother you. I know that you’re busy. I know that you have a lot on your mind, and that you’re always meeting people and people are always wanting things from you….” And holy shit, that did sting. “I did know you were here, and I didn’t want to bother you. I didn’t see a point when you have enough other things going on.”
And maybe, just maybe he might have asked about me a time or two, but he could’ve tried to find me on his own. Find out how I was doing on his own. He could have just… texted me. That part was on him.
The man who had smiled at me so wide a second ago was gone.
He wanted this, right? Maybe I wouldn’t—couldn’t—give him everything, but I could do some of it. Half of it. “I wouldn’t want you to feel obligated to see me or anything like that.” All right, that wasn’t so bad. “We haven’t seen each other in ten years, Zac. I didn’t want to just barge back into your life. Everyone knows you’re busy—they know I’m busy—and that we hadn’t spent time together in forever. We hadn’t talked in so long I’m sure Boogie didn’t think you’d care that we were close by. And he was out of the country when you got here.”
Apparently, he only listened to part of what I said. “You think seein’ you would be an obligation?” he asked, still speaking slowly, and frowning.
Well, when he put it like that…. He wanted the truth, right? I wasn’t going to take the entire blame. “Yeah,” I confirmed. “Yeah, I do. You’ve felt obligated toward me ever since the snake thing.” It didn’t hurt me to admit it. I’d come to terms with it.
But he blinked. “No. I mean, yeah, but no….”
I just looked at him and watched his eyebrows drop down into a harsh, hard expression.
“I’ve asked about you.”
It took everything in me not to snort. How hard had he really tried? He could have looked me up at any freaking time. It wasn’t like I hid my existence.
“I’ve asked about you a bunch of times since you stopped textin’ me back.”