that I didn’t recognize you. How old are you now? Twenty… seven?”
I knew why no one had. Because in ten years, he had obviously never tried hard enough to see how I was doing, because he could have just asked and hadn’t. If he’d cared. And that was the wrong thing to think about.
I was letting that shit go.
He was here now. I tried not to hold on to stuff like that, especially when it was obvious he was trying now.
And if he could try, so could I.
Expectations.
This man had picked me up from school a time or ten.
“Well, if you want soup for dinner, you’re welcome to stay. I don’t know if it fits into your meal plan though. It has sausage in it,” I offered up, mostly expecting him to decline because he had plans, like a date or something… maybe with that nice blonde.
So I was surprised as shit for maybe the hundredth time since we’d seen each other weeks ago when Zac said, “I love soup.”
He’d loved everything back in the day.
“Sausage, beans, and kale?”
This fool said, “Mm-hmm,” and I couldn’t help but glance at him again. He was taking another sip of water, peeking into the glass as he did so like it looked weird or he was trying to figure out if there was magic in it.
Being cute just came naturally to some people.
“I figured you’d have plans,” I let slip out, only partially regretting it as I turned on the burner beneath my Dutch oven.
But Zac didn’t hesitate to answer. “I told you. Spendin’ some time with you was my only plan, Peewee.”
There he went again.
And maybe that made me feel nice enough that I was able to keep trying to joke around with him, trying to go back to that ground we had built a fourteen-year childhood friendship on. It rose up inside of me like a wave I had no chance against. It was too second nature, and I’d already repressed it enough during the day at work and the last times we’d seen each other.
“Well, la-di-da, lucky me then,” I told him sarcastically, like I would have if he were Boogie or Connie.
Zac laughed, the sound raspy and thick and bright and familiar. “You used to be so excited to spend time with me.”
Yeah, that was nice. So I took it and ran with it. “Well yeah, because all of my friends lived far, and it was only you, Boogie, and Connie nearby,” I deadpanned as I waited for the pot to heat up. It was going to take a few minutes. “Then Connie bounced, and it was only you two left.”
That got me another one of those raspy, bright laughs that felt like an old pair of comfy undies. “You tryin’ to tell me some of my fondest memories were a lie?”
I really had loved spending time with him and Boogie back then, and he knew it. I didn’t need to confirm anything. I glanced at him. “You don’t want me to answer that. I’m not going to break your heart today, but I probably wouldn’t ask your mom any questions about the tooth fairy or Santa anytime soon either, m’kay?”
It was this fool’s turn to blink. And he even went as far as to raise a hand and set it right on the center of his chest. “Are you tryin’ to say….”
It was so freaking hard to keep from snorting, but if he wanted to joke around… well, that was second nature to me too. I kept my face even. “I think this is a conversation you need to have with her. I’m sorry.”
My friend of such a long time ago freaking hooted. He shook his head like… he was so happy. To be around me.
And I liked it. I liked it a lot more than I had any business doing so.
“Ah, darlin’, I missed the shit out of you, and I—” Zac cut himself off.
But I knew what he’d been about to say. At least my gut did.
I missed the shit out of you, and I didn’t even know it. That’s what he’d caught himself about to say. You know, because he’d forgotten about me. Otherwise he would have asked or gotten back in touch at some point over the years. All it would’ve taken was a phone call. A “hi” via text.
I faced the stove and dropped some oil into the Dutch oven, biting the inside of my cheek as I did it.