happen, but yeah. I love him, but I can learn to love him as just a friend. That’s where more than half of it goes to anyway. So we’re good, or does someone else have any more dumb questions?”
“I have one question, and it isn’t a dumb one,” my sister piped up, lifting up a hand like she was still in school. “Is that why you’re here looking at apartments?”
“Only like 10 percent,” I told her, a little bit lying but not totally. In reality, it was more like 60 percent… 70 percent.
It would still be nice to see her and the kids and my way too perceptive brother-in-law all the time though.
“I have another question, still not a dumb one either,” she said, and unsurprisingly, she raised her hand again.
“Yes, Connie.”
“Has he checked on you to make sure you’re fine since you left?”
I nodded at her.
And my sneaky sister nodded back slowly.
I turned to Boogie, who was the person I worried about the most. “Are you fine, or are you still about to have a shit attack even though nothing happened and getting my feelings hurt was my own fault? And you can’t get mad at him, because he never ever tried to put the moves on me or anything, even though I kind of wished he would have.”
“I don’t have shit attacks” was what he said first.
Even Richard looked at Boogie.
He ignored us though. “I’m fine. Really. Not really. You could’ve told me, Peewee,” he said, turning his dark eyes to me with the start of what seemed like a hurt expression. Maybe because I hadn’t told him before. I usually told him everything.
Then again, he hadn’t told me he was even thinking about asking his girlfriend to marry him, so he wasn’t one to talk anytime soon.
I was still a little salty over it, even though I’d say we were both even at this point. But we didn’t need to get into that. What we needed to do was smooth this over, because the last thing I ever wanted to do was mess up my friendship with him, or Zac’s friendship with him.
“What was I going to tell you, Boog? ‘Hey, I’ve been hanging out with Zac a lot, and I think I’m in love with him? Again?’” I gave him a look. “I’m sorry I didn’t say anything and just sprung this on you, but I know it was dumb. I knew it was dumb back when I was a teenager. I know it’s dumb and pointless now. It’s like that kind of love is the only thing my heart knows, but I’m going to get it under control. That sounds lame as shit, but it’s true. He’s your best friend, and the last thing I want is to make things weird between you two, when he hasn’t done anything.”
“It’s not dumb,” my cousin muttered thoughtfully after a few moments, after a deep sigh that had him rubbing his forehead as he looked down at his lap.
“I’m sorry. I only kept it a secret because I’m embarrassed and know better,” I told him. “I love you, and you mean the world to me. I don’t want to mess anything up.”
Out of the corner of my eye, I could see Connie’s gaze bouncing back and forth between Boogie and me. Richard was doing the same thing, still sipping that orange soda. None of us said a word for the longest time.
Until Boogie broke the silence with another sigh before lifting his head and looking at me with a small, wary smile on his face that told me everything was going to be okay. “You can’t help who you love sometimes, even if you know that maybe you shouldn’t or that maybe it’s going to hurt.”
Well, shit. I guess in a way I’d never thought about it like that with him. I still didn’t like his future wife, but….
“He is my best friend, but so are you, B. It’s a little fucking weird—it’s a lot fucking weird—but….” He sighed one more time. “You’re really fine?”
“I only hurt myself, promise.”
Because that was exactly what had happened. I’d hurt myself. I could admit it.
But I was going to fix it. I was going to be okay.
“I can’t believe you didn’t tell me,” my sister said a couple hours later right before striking out at me like a viper, going straight for my nipple like she was going to give it a twist.