Grip Trilogy Box Set - Kennedy Ryan Page 0,241

out and I would be left lonely and still in love with him. Maybe it was Black Twitter rallying behind her and turning on me, painting her as the victim and me as the villain. I don’t know why I feel this way when I hear Qwest’s name, but she is my sore spot, and Jade knows it. She’s twisting her knuckle into a bruise on my heart, and even though I was prepared, I know my face doesn’t hide it.

“Oh, I didn’t know you and Qwest were together.” I laugh, trying to make a joke of it . . . a bad, awkward joke, which is the only kind I can seem to manage with Jade.

“Oh, no. Not me and Qwest. She loves dick.” Cruelty engraves a smile onto Jade’s smooth, pretty brown face. “Just ask Grip. He knows.”

These are the cleanest greens anyone will ever eat. I’m scrubbing this one leaf mercilessly, almost to the point of translucence, training my eyes on the sink so Jade doesn’t gain any ammunition from the hurt I know she would see. All I want is to be this girl’s friend, and she can’t tolerate five minutes with me. She’s carrying on an entire conversation with Qwest while I’m standing right here trying harder than I’ve ever tried with anyone.

“I meant that I didn’t realize you two knew each other,” I mumble.

“We didn’t really, until recently. I’m writing some stuff for her new album.” Her pause fills with anticipation of something I know will be at my expense. “Grip introduced us a few weeks ago.”

The knife slips off the stalk, slicing into my finger, matching the tiny nick Jade just made across my heart. It’s not a big deal; rationally, I know that. Grip is contractually bound to work on Qwest’s next album, writing and producing. Hell, I negotiated the deal, but he wasn’t mine then—only he’s always been mine, even when I didn’t claim him, and it screws a wrench through my eye that I’m the one who threw them together, that Qwest knows the weight of his body because of me. That glorious fullness when he swells within me— she’s had that. The sweet heat of his panting breath in my ear when he comes—she felt that before I did. I can’t ever take that knowledge from her, but I want to strip every memory of him from her mind, body, and heart. So, I know it’s not the tiny injuries Jade inflicts now that are at the bottom of my irrational response; it’s all my old self-inflicted wounds that haven’t quite healed.

“You know it’s just a matter of time, right?” Jade tilts her head, considering me. “He’s not the first Black man turned out by some white pussy.”

“Shut the hell up.” I snap my eyes to her face. “Don’t talk about us. You have no idea.”

“You’re just a high to him.” Jade’s full lips curl around her derision. “And just like any high, he’ll come down. You’ll wear off once he gets tired of explaining his Blackness and answering your dumb questions. One day he’ll want to be understood, not just fucked.”

“I do understand him.” I’m certain of it, but in a way, she carries the same brand of charisma Grip does, the same confidence that, even twisted around a lie, entices you to believe.

“Just watch him with Qwest the next time they’re together,” she sneers. “They fit. Everyone sees it except you. She’s just waiting for him to wake up from this dream, shake off that jungle fever. Maybe you’re a Black man’s fantasy, but she’s real life, and when it comes down to it, Grip is nothing if not real. Deep down, you know it.”

Her lies and speculation circle me like rope, slowly restricting me. For a frozen moment, I can’t speak, and even though Grip’s love is gospel to me, my religion, my truth, some little voice within me whispers, What if she’s right?

Jade doesn’t say more words. She’s quiet, allowing the ones she’s already spoken to take root. I know she’s hoping she’ll get under my skin, but she won’t. Even with that tiny granule of doubt, I try not to let her. I’m still staring at the blood surging from the tiny cut on my finger when Grip walks into the kitchen.

“Babe, what’d you do?” He moves my finger under the flow of cold water, concern clumping his brows.

“It’s just a cut.” I swallow against the unreasonable hurt that he introduced Jade and Qwest.

“Well