any part of him, he was determined to give it to her, even if he had to drag it out of some early grave.
He had to stop thinking about the ticking clock. He had to find that calm. If he didn’t, he was going to just keep messing himself up. If you let yourself get eaten up by worry about whether or not you could do something, you’d never relax enough to get it done. He had to just trust that Gretchen was right—once a shifter, always a shifter.
He breathed out and concentrated, reaching into the darkness inside him, the darkness that had felt so empty for so long now.
He couldn’t do anything about his sharp, persistent fear of how Gretchen was doing, but he could use it for motivation. She was why he needed to reclaim his griffin now more than ever. He had to help her.
I know you’re there, Cooper thought. You’re part of me.
Silence. Darkness.
I was hurting. It was hard to hold onto you when you wanted to fly—when I wanted to fly—and we couldn’t. You reminded me of everything we’d lost, and I couldn’t deal with it. I hid you away for so long that I forgot how to find you, but there’s no way you’re lost for good. I need you. I always have. And more importantly, Gretchen needs you.
There was something there... a sound inside him that was almost like wings rustling.
She’s great, buddy. She’s funny and gorgeous and brave. She shook my hand like there was no reason she shouldn’t have, and she saw something in me that no one else ever did. She believes in me. She didn’t have to do any of that, and as far as I’m concerned, that makes her the nicest person in the world. And now she’s in trouble. She’s freezing, and I need to get her somewhere warm. I’d carry her myself, but I wouldn’t get there fast enough.
It still wasn’t enough.
He added, I love her.
It had become the central fact of his existence. Something more important than everything else.
He loved her, and he could almost believe that she loved him back. If she did, then he was someone worth loving. Maybe he was still broken, but he wasn’t incomplete.
Gretchen was right. He hadn’t lost himself... and so it was impossible for him to have lost his griffin. All he had to do was reach far enough and grab on hard enough.
He’d thought hope had kept him alive in prison, but it had really just been the faintest, dimmest shadow of a hope. Now hope—certainty—lit him up from the inside-out.
It broke through the darkness down in the bottom of his soul.
And it found his griffin.
You’re mine, Cooper said, claiming that presence. You’re me.
He didn’t know if he would have ever realized that without her.
Gretchen, his griffin said in a rumbling voice.
Finally, after all this time, it reached back for him, opening its liquid gold eyes.
Come on, Cooper said, easing into that shape. We’ve got work to do.
Wings burst from his shoulders, unfurling until they were stretched out to their fullest span. His hands formed the wickedly curved talons that would have to hold Gretchen with the utmost care. A blend of golden fur and slick feathers covered him, protecting him a little from the worst of the storm. For a few seconds there was enough pain to make him dizzy: it was like the shiv was tearing into him all over again, finding a new body to cut into. But he still had a good range of movement. He didn’t think flying would be a problem.
He used one wing to brush the snow off the backseat window, hoping Gretchen would see him and come out.
Nothing.
How long had he been out in the snow? How much time had it taken him to find his griffin again?
The ripple of fear that sent up him was even colder than the wind. He opened the back door with one talon, trying hard not to just rip it off the hinges and send it flying. If they had to take shelter in the car again, for whatever reason, he didn’t want it to be completely open to the elements.
Inside, there was Gretchen, curled up beneath the fleece blanket. Her face was so white with the cold that it looked almost bloodless. She was unnaturally still, like she’d been carved out of marble.
Cooper tumbled back into human form, snapping back to it faster than he ever had before. He reached for her.