“I mean, there are warmer places. I’ll say that. If I’m gonna die, I want to die with the sun shining on my face.”
“Fair enough.”
Yale made sure Julian had towels in the master bathroom. He imagined the Sharps coming home next month to find an entire fifty-eighth-floor refugee camp of the recently diagnosed. Sleeping bags and cots, vitamins and protein shakes.
* * *
—
On Monday morning, the heat in the office was broken. Yale walked straight back to the El, relieved he wouldn’t have to see Roman but dreading an empty day, one in which he now had no excuse not to get the test over with. But when he got off the train he just stood there by the pay phone, because he wasn’t even sure where he was going.
He thought of calling Dr. Vincent, but it was as if Charlie had inherited him in the breakup, the same way he’d inherited most of their friends. He couldn’t imagine walking in there and awkwardly trying to figure out how much Dr. Vincent already knew. And maybe Dr. Vincent had known for months, for years, that Charlie was cheating. Maybe he’d been treating him for gonorrhea, telling him to be careful. Yale couldn’t face him, his sweet, watery eyes. He thought of calling Cecily, but he’d caused her enough stress as it was, and he didn’t want anyone connected with the university believing he might be sick. He thought of going back to Marina Towers, but seeing Julian would scare him out of going through with it. What had the test done for Julian but wreck his life? He considered calling the Howard Brown hotline, but the thought of some kind lesbian talking him through his options—reading to him off a form, cautiously choosing her words—made him ill. Worse, Teddy’s friend Katsu might answer, might recognize Yale’s voice. Plus the hotline wasn’t open till evening, and it wasn’t even 10 a.m. So although he knew better, although she was the last person who needed to be put through all this again, he called Fiona Marcus.
After three rings he started hoping she wasn’t home, but she was. She’d been about to bundle up her charges and take them to the zoo. Did he want to come? Yes, he did.
They met by the big cat enclosures, Fiona in a bright blue parka that made her look more substantial than she really was. The two girls circled her, spinning, yelling. Fiona reminded him that the little one with the pink hat was Ashley and the five-year-old was Brooke. Their father was high up at United Airlines, and their mother, according to the stories Fiona told, mostly occupied herself with tanning. Brooke announced that she wanted to visit the penguins and polar bears. “Because those are winter animals,” she said.
“Hold on,” Yale said to Ashley. “Let me straighten your ears first.” He gently tugged one up and the other down. “Much better,” he said, and the girls giggled and looked smitten. It was his only line for kids, but it always worked.
Fiona said “How are you?” and then, as they walked, “I’ve heard contradictory rumors. I mean, I know about Charlie. But I decided I wouldn’t believe anything else till I heard it straight from you.”
“Thank you,” Yale said. “That’s refreshing.”
“Spill.”
The zoo was nearly empty, just a few well-insulated stroller-pushers and a sole jogger.
He told her the entire story, more than he’d even told Cecily, in part because there was more to tell now. He told her about the fight at Terrence’s funeral, about Roman, even, and about the circle on the calendar a week and a day ago. He left out the part about Richard’s house. Why make her blame herself when Charlie might have been lying anyway? He said, “Your cousin Debra hates me now,” but left out how much money was involved. He told her about Julian crashing with him.
“God, this is depressing,” Fiona said, although she wasn’t talking about Yale’s issues. They were in front of the penguin enclosure and you could hardly see through the grimy glass. “Are they even in there?”
“Look, look, look!” Ashley pointed to a small, wilted bird right at their feet. If the glass hadn’t been there, Yale might have walked right over the thing. The girls ran back and forth, trying to get the bird to follow.
Fiona said, “So, the intern. You like him?”
He knew she was trying to start on the least stressful part of what he’d just