cold, or stuck in a dungeon. Instead, I trace the lines of muscles that are lean but still present all over Toreon’s body. His long hair has a slight wave to the ends, and I bet when it’s clean, it’s pretty. The kind of hair that makes girls jealous and that a guy never really appreciates having.
Vudu has shorter spiky hair, and my thoughts stray to things like demon hair products and other ridiculous unimportant crap as I study the two whispering friends. They’re not unattractive, not at all—which is maybe an unusual thought. But it’s not the first time I’ve thought it.
Not all the monsters I’ve encountered were the thing of nightmares. Some were the thing of wet dreams. I felt conflicted about that before. I judged myself, wondering what was wrong with me that I could find something with horns, or a tail, or whatever it was at the time, enticing. But finding out I’m part demon puts things in perspective. My occasional attraction isn’t concerning so much as it’s probably natural. Normal. I nearly snort at the thought. Normal was something I never thought I’d be.
My stomach flips as I study them, and I let my mind wander to some scandalous places, and that realization makes me pause as I face what it means…
I’m attracted to demons.
Not all of them, of course, but these two are very intriguing to me. And Ire…, my inner voice whispers to me, even though I don’t know what to do with this realization.
As I look at Toreon, I realize that my attraction isn’t just based on muscle tone and the interesting colors, or the golden eyes that seem to suck you in so hard that you can’t walk away the same person. It’s resilience. Yeah, Toreon may say he’s given up, but he’s still here. He’s never taken the weapon that Vudu gave him and tried to end his suffering, and I’m sure Morax has given him plenty of reason to do just that. For all of Toreon’s talk of we’re never getting out of here, his actions show he hasn’t lost all spark of hope.
I’ve had less time to observe Vudu, but I can imagine the road to getting here so that he could save his friend wasn’t easy. That kind of love and the dedication it required is a thing of beauty. He’s clearly a being that values honor and sacrifice, and it’s hard not to cling to the tiniest of good things down here and feel like they’re everything. Every small act of kindness or compassion becomes a spotlight amidst all the black cruelty that permeates this place because of Morax and what he does to us.
So even though it’s my knee jerk reaction to feel ashamed for admitting that I’m attracted to these demons, and guilt for doing it while I’m in a damn dungeon, I bat that negativity away. Why should I deny the spark of something, imagined or otherwise, that I feel? I’m done with thinking there’s something wrong with me. I’m done with questioning my instincts. Which means I need to learn to follow my gut and trust myself. I have a feeling that’s going to be a hard change, but it’s time I started.
Besides, if I’m going to have my first demon crush, why not go big and crush on three at once?
Dr. Gupta would be so disappointed in me.
I have to bite my lip to stop myself from laughing as that thought strikes my funny bone, leaving me all tingly with awareness. Only the sound of their quiet voices picking back up stops me from releasing a chuckle.
“I still can’t get any messages out,” Vudu says, his voice cutting through the silence. “I’m watched too closely. So the idea of contacting Medley’s mates won’t work.”
“I figured,” Toreon says.
“But I’m getting closer. Just another week, maybe two, and I’ll have everything lined up to get you out of here,” Vudu assures him in that low, rumbling voice of his.
But Toreon doesn’t look convinced, and he stays quiet and thoughtful for a minute. “You know, I never believed any of that destiny bullshit. Even when my Sire tried to beat it into my head,” he says quietly. “I definitely didn’t believe it when the Ophidian caught me. But…” He hesitates, plucking at the thick iron chain draped down the center of his green chest. “But now I’m not so sure.”
Vudu shoots him a look through the bars. “What do you mean?”